So I've had a good but tiring day...

we went to the pool (this time I used sunscreen, spf 4) and I went to a yoga class, then Natha watched some Looney tunes while I chilled out downstairs. We're baking the banana bread we made late this afternoon right now - it'll be done soon.

I checked out the blog fourninjafoodgroups.blogspot.com and there's a funny post on there about a new disorder for the DSM-V called 'Just Freakin' Batshit' disorder. I urge you to take a look - but not that much more than a nudge since I don't put my links in as hyperlinks. I think I'll change my stance and at least learn to do that, if anything. Now Ed just has to write it down for me - hint hint.

Natha threw something at me (it didn't hurt - it was a lime green squishy pillow) but I had just told him not to - so I spanked him. He had tried to cover his butt with his hand, so I had to spank around it... then he informed me that 'that didn't hurt' - so I gave him another one that most certainly did. Just a hunch, but I don't think he'll be mentioning it anymore if the occasional spanking doesn't hurt. Just a feeling I have.

I also realized the other day that I'm a kleptomaniac of a certain kind - I only steal clothes that belong to the guy I'm with. I don't ever keep them after we've broken up - I either give them back or otherwise dispose of them, so it's not a collecting problem... I think I'm just a touchy-feely person that wants to be around that special someone as much as possible, and wearing his clothes makes that a bit more possible. It also comes out of back when I wore guys' clothes all the time and didn't look like a girl, and the clothes fit me like they're my own. I also stole a lot of clothes from friends of mine in college who were guys, but that was more of a 'they had something cool and broken-in that I wanted' than anything. I stole a hat from a guy that now plays in the NFL, and a pair of shorts from a football guy that's probably now a has-been who didn't go anywhere because he liked the drinkin' too much. I don't have either of them anymore, though - one of my boys since then has taken them (and it wasn't Ed - he falls under the unfortunately-rarely-accurate-but-accurate for him title of 'man')

It's not like I take dirty clothes to have his smell on me, I wear the clothes, wash them (eventually), and put them back in the closet for Ed to wear - so it stays equal opportunity for wearin'. I just like the diversity that comes with sharing someone else's clothes that fit - if they didn't fit, I wouldn't be stealing them, dear. Not to mention that they remind me of my sweetie all the day through.

It's absolutely amazing how turned-on I get from laying out in the sun. Too bad Ed wasn't there when I got home... I'll just pounce him later, I guess... I wonder where he is, as a matter of fact... ;)

So there's now two more weird things to add to the list...

...of Natha's weirdnesses. He decided to *sit* in a big plant vase that is sitting by the downstairs TV. It was just big enough for him to fall in - then he yelled for me and looked cute while he told me he was stuck. I didn't get too upset, mainly because he wasn't really stuck, but it was hard not to laugh. I just pulled him out and he was ok, then I told him in as stern of a voice as I could muster not to do it again.

The second involved the drawings he did this morning at the restaurant that he then stuck up on the wall of the restaurant office with push-pins. When I got there this afternoon after my yoga class, he wanted to show them to me. This is what he said...

"Come look at my drawings," he said, pointing to the wall.

"Ok."

"This one is Machu Picchu," he told me, pointing to a pen-and-paper drawing of mountains and a few stick people.

"Cool. What's this one?" I asked.

"That one is Machu Picchu too." he said, showing me another picture of mountains and more stick people.

"Oh. That's pretty," I replied, "What's that one?"

"It's another Machu Picchu."

I pointed to the fourth of five drawings and asked about that one. It was Machu Picchu too.

"What's this one," I said, pointing to the last masterpiece, "Machu Picchu?"

"Nope. That one's Texas," he told me.

Sure enough, it was 'flat' with no drawn mountains - but still had people. Lots of them. They weren't wearing cowboy hats, though. It wasn't that obvious. That's what happens when you ass-u-me, I suppose.

Jurrasic park's on TV and we're watching it. Natha was a Roadrunner earlier, muttering 'meep-meep' and running around when we were watching Looney Tunes. Now he's a popocorniverous tyrranosaurus who is 'snacking' on his diplodocus mommy. He told so, so it's must be true.

So I guess there's no teaching people if they don't want to be taught...

like usual, I have tons of A's in the making, a few B's, a C or two, and the rest of the people are failing the lab. This isn't hard, people! Just *pay attention*! Do what I ask (which isn't that much, really)...

I went to a different yoga class this morning - my goal is to go to a yoga class every day and then do other stuff with Ed at night. The problem (at least for the summer) is that they limit the amount of time per day & per week that you can use the kids playroom so that going twice a day when Natha's not in school is different. I'm going to all kinds of yoga classes - those that are more designed to challenge you in a physical sense and those that are more restorative and challenging in a mental sense. Until you've been to both you probably don't know what I'm talking about...

Natha asked me about school today & when he could go. I told him that when the 'big boy school' was open, he would be going there. He asked me why it wasn't open now, and I told him that when it gets hot outside you don't have to go to school, just the rest of the time. Then he replied, 'Yeah, when it gets really really hot.' He was normally outside just in the morning & late afternoon, so he's realizing how hot it gets in the middle of the day. I have the same shock too, since I was working during the day - I'd forgotten how hot it gets here about 2-3pm. Sure, the sun's rays may be strongest from 10am-2pm, but the full heat index isn't mugging you of your breath until at least 3pm. I had gotten used to it for a while, but when I worked full time, I forgot about that or at least didn't experience it for very long periods of time.

I've had both instructors of the classes I've attended for the first time come up to me after class and introduce themselves - which is just polite - but then I end up talking to them for a while. I think that they're in a yoga-land where it's just a series of postures people do to get a workout instead of a lifestyle with all kinds of facets - not just postures (asanas) but meditation, breathing excercises, and lifestyle choices, to name a few. (Not necessarily vegetarian choices, but the yogic diet does limit several foods, including meats.) Since I've 'looked into' yoga in lots of different aspects, they can talk to me about things other than how to cross-train for some other sport - like about teaching styles and types of students you'll see in class. I was talking about Deepak Chopra and ayurveda, then chakras, then about how I'd eventually want to be a yoga instructor. The biggest thing in my path on the way to instructordom is my personal practice. I need to make yoga a part of my life, not just something I do on occasion, so that I can then find my style and only then take instructor preparation classes to learn about the other more technical aspects of teaching yoga. I know I'm good at some types of inversions and have trouble with balance postures depending on the day, and that no matter what, the flexibility of my hips is an uphill battle and always will be, depending on what other excercise I'm doing (running and precor are both things that tighten my hips naturally). *How* I teach others and influence them has yet to be determined - and that will just come with time and asana practice. Now I've just got to hop to it.

Natha's asking for some attention, so I need to go do other things. He was resting when I started this post and has since been liberated from the chains that were his room for 40 minutes. He's about to go to his dad's house, so Ed and I will probably go play racquetball then do some sort of other workout too since we've got more time. Then it's off to subway for dinner - I've become attached to the roasted chicken breast sandwich, too, just like him... :)

Kinda odd that I've become more of a health nut recently... I seem to go from one extreme to the other... oh well. I'll have to talk about that one more later.

So I'm not sure if Natha's like the other kids...

...or if he's in a class of his own. Not only is he silly beyond belief, but he's extremely enteraining. Case in point: tonight at Subway, he gets his usual turkey with cheese and mustard, but decides, much to the surprise of the sandwich artisan, to put all sorts of random things on his kids meal sandwich, like spinach, onions, banana peppers, black olives, cucumbers, and mayonnaise. He forgets the carrots then gets kind of upset until we tell him we'll just have to remember to put them on next time. And yes, he ate more than half of the sandwich... and wants the rest for breakfast tomorrow morning.

Second point: tonight while we're reading Charlie & the Chocolate Factory before bed - Ed had given Natha two of those liquid ice breath things, and he was holding them in his hand about to eat them. I'm reading aloud, then all of a sudden he's rubbing his eye and telling me it hurts. Turns out he was trying to squish one of the liquid ice things before he ate it, and he squished it right into his eye. Ed was laughing so hard I had to stop reading for a minute for him to regain his composure. He had squished one of them earlier today and rubbed it on his feet, then came over to me very innocuous-like and asked me to smell his feet, motivated just to see the surprise on my face when they smell like spearmint instead of the usual funky feet he has. He didn't *accidentally* spill it on his feet, no, he put it there on *purpose* for me to smell.

I just wonder how much of this stuff other peoples' kids do and how often - do people get one story like this every couple months, or is it one a week like the fodder Natha provides?

He's also becoming way more cultured of a kid than I thought he would - he turns down the GameBoy most of the time I offer it - he'd rather be doing something else most of the time. I thought he'd be glued to it like no tomorrow, but no, he's all about the moderation. I think that after the initial coolness time, its novelty wore off and he'd rather be designing a diorama full of dinosaurs complete with egg nests, mommy/baby pairs matched by species, and spinosauruses opening up a can on the T-rexes (idea courtesy of Jurrasic Park III). Or some spacely battle between obscure Godzilla characters.

Ah, Nathas. Whatcha gonna do with 'em...

So Natha's added 'fancypants' to his vocabulary...

...and also seems more interested in reading and is picking up on the letters. Ed didn't realize that fancypants isn't something that everyone says... sure, he's not the only one that says it, but it's not something *everyone* says. There's lots of stuff like that that we teach him, either intentionally or in passing. Like that the Who is cool and that you can have something 'galore', like 'dinosaurs galore'. There's something like that every day... like today, I realized that he may not understand how strong he is when he jumps on someone or squeezes them when he hugs. So, I told him. We'll see if it sinks in.

It was funny yesterday... we realized (and started acting like) it was our 1st anniversary finally, considering it was really on saturday. It depends, as always, when you start counting and what you're anniversarizing, like first meeting, first kiss, or first date. I know, it's such a girl thing to anniversarize things. In that respect, I am most definitely a girl. Anyways, Ed was on the phone and I was trying to catch his attention by being scantily clad and enticing him without talking. After he was finished talking he said that yes, I was hot, but that what he really thought was smokin' was when I was talking about something. I then remembered the articles I had just read in Scientific American that I thought he should read and gave him a quick version on what they discussed (Shermer's article on conspiracy theories. Then he was *really* interested, since I was not just hot, but a dork too. I thought that was cool. I didn't realize how much of *me* he was attracted to because of what I think about and bring up, not just what I physically look like...

I can't remember whether I've talked about this or not, but Ed looks different to me sometimes. It's not a tangible, physical difference, but more like a different light, I suppose? I don't know when it's going to happen, but it happens quite a bit, especially lately. Sometimes we're talking about something that we hadn't talked about before, and I find out something new. Sometimes, though, there isn't anything new, and my eyes just see him different than I'd seen him before. I don't know why it happens, but it does. It's also pretty cool that it happens. :)

In the spirit of my last post, I'd like to credit the kids & friends I'm around that have shaped my musical tastes...

From Natha, my re-realized liking of 80's music - particularly 'Video Killed the Radio Star' and 'Wake me up before you go-go'

From my brother, Al, even though he doesn't know it, I think of They Might Be Giants songs of all kinds - they seems like something he'd really like if he doesn't already. I need to get my stuffin' together and send him a CD of it.

From Erin, my liking of the Pizzicato 5 and Mason Jennings, not to mention my unfortunate, guilty pleasure listening of racially distasteful music.

From Ed, my newfound liking of psychadelia - I didn't realize I liked it until he showed me how cool it is... and it just sounds good - it's good music, which is rare nowadays.

Natha's watching SpongeBob now. Ah, I love the 'snail' named Gary that is a cat.

Dr. Phil is interesting today - it's about parents who resent their children for various reasons... whether it's because a father is wanting to spend more time with the pinball machine than the kid, or an impossible 4 year old who runs the house. Sure, I've been with a 4 year old that runs the house, but I know now it's not too late if you make the right changes, drastic as they may be. I'm going to go watch Dr. Phil's ideas on why the kid is doing what he is. TTYL...

So I did the 'religion selector' quiz *again*...

...after a couple years of not doing it. My attitudes have changed, and I know I chose different answers, but somehow I still ended up 100% Unitarian Universalist. Not that I mind, don't get me wrong - I wasn't fishing for Southern Baptist - I just wonder whether it's a function of the test or of the religion that I end up with the same results. Knowing nothing about the Unitarians, I can't help but think that this test is an odd mission of theirs to enrapture the masses who spend their time taking internet quizzes for shits & giggles - like it's their version of the door-to-door of the Jehovah's witnesses. Smart people, those Unitarians, if that's what they're up to. Either that, or they're smart for maintaining a religion where you can hold different facets in higher or lower regard and somewhat change your mind and still fall under the umbrella - they let you figure it out. All the Unitarians I've met have been very nice people - and most of them have been in with a yoga-practicing crowd. I almost want to go sometime just to see what they're really like. I'll have to put them on the list of my religious establishments to visit - which currently stands as follows:

1. A Reformed Jewish synagogue, for Natha to go to Hebrew school. I think we have to be members for that, though. Natha could benefit from the belief that you're considered a man in the eyes of God when you turn 13. That would keep him out of some trouble, we'd think.

2. A Ba'hai center, because they've always seemed like they had their stuff together (like the Universalists) and they've managed to get government-offical-looking signs pointing to where their centers are - if they've permeated government to that degree, I feel as though I need to know more about what they're preaching.

3. A snake-handling church, because I love snakes, and I think it would be an interesting time to add to the list of 'things to do before it's too late'.

4. A Holy Roller Revival, because I'd like to see the passion with which things happen. I would have already been to one but I'm a bad liar, and not being part of the congregation they'd see me as a wayward puppy who needed a new master and I'd have a hard time explaining to them that I was just there to enjoy the theatrics.

5. A Christian Science Reading Room, because I'd like to see the display of books available - do they all center around Christian beliefs, Science beliefs, or do they have rousing 'classic fiction' and 'horror' sections? Is the purpose to read and study Christian Science things, or just literacy in general?

I was also thinking about my family the other day, and pondering why I'm not particularly close (i.e.- speaking on a frequent basis) with any of them. I don't mind their company, heck most of them I enjoy quite a bit... so I wonder why it's not in my list of inclinations to spend more time talking to them. Mind you, it's not like I talk to some of my family more than others (excepting my mom, with whom I email about 3x a week and talk to her once a week) because I correspond next-to-never with each of them both individually and as a group. The reason I started thinking about this was that I was thinking about musical influences that I picked up from various members of my family in different ways, realized that I thought of them fondly, then wondered to myself, then why don't I talk to them more. So, until I figure out the reasons behind it, here's my credits (AKA shout-outs) for musical tastes and other vignettes I remember:

My stepdad for my taste for bluegrass and things like Emmylou Harris - he listened to it in the car a lot, and I liked it. I still do. My parents also got me hooked on Manheim Steamroller, also known as the only Christmas music I can stand.

My mom for my taste in all things Country, namely Shania Twain (which played on a loop in my mom's car for at least 3 of my high school years), Randy Travis, and Restless Heart. The last two were favorites of my mom's back when Donna was her best friend, and they'd listen to that and whatever late 80's-early 90's stuff was on the radio.

My dad for my taste for the Doors and Queen - I always felt like Fat Bottom Girls was my dad's reference to my mom, along with the unrelated John Cougar Mellencamp 'Jack & Diane' - I also remember seeing a cassette tape with 'John Fogarty - Centerfield' written on the little white sticker on the side in his black thin-line engineering marker in his everyday block print and wanting to listen to it, but never having a tape player at that exact moment. That tape stayed around for a long time, and I think it was only a couple of year ago that I threw it out. He also used to call my sister and I the Twisted Sisters and make other references to Dee Snyder. If only would I have known to enjoy them more then. He also got me hooked on Monty Python with the Lumberjack song and Mad Magazine with the fold-in graphic on the back cover of the magazine - and I was 11.

My Uncle Andy for my taste for Patsy Cline - I was the least musically inclined child with the most respect for Patsy Cline at the age of 12. I still get mad when I hear someone else's version of one of her songs... she should be the only one allowed to sing them, and other people should just be arrested for blasphemy and put on the rack.

My dad's parents, Grandma & Papa, for my taste for Big Band music - Particularly the Glen Miller Band and their song 'In the Mood'. They had this tape they only played for my sister and I that came with their new Mercury they bought in the mid 80's called 'Sounds of the 80's' or something like that - and my sister and I loved that tape. I've wanted to buy it for her for a long time. It also had Hall & Oates, 'I can't go for that', and Alabama's 'Mountain Music'. The tape had a cover with a light bulb on the front, I remember that.

My mom's mom for Gershwin - I hald always liked Rhapsody in Blue, but when I found out it was my Grandma's favorite song, I liked it even more and it became of of my professed favorites instead of something I liked if asked.

My mom's dad for my taste in steel drums - he likes both hillbilly music (no steel drums, but I like the pickin') and tropical music laden with steel drums being played. I remember listening as we played darts outside. There was a dartboard outside at their house in Martin Downs with a plastic fish mounted on the wall next to it, and I always managed to hit the fish instead of the dartboard. I knocked it off the wall at least 4 times each time I was there, if not more, and put several holes in it... all to the sound of either hillbilly pickin' or steel drum solos. He also *loves* Benny Hill. I remember when I accidentally changed the channel to Comedy Central at their house in the North Carolina mountains and the Man Show was on. Since he controls the remote, my mom, grandma, and myself had to sit there and watch the Man Show - the whole thing - including the girls on trampolines.

Ok, there's a show on Discovery Kids called 'Prehistoric Planet' that is narrarated by Ben Stiller, of all people. That's about as funny as the Thomas the Train episode narrated by Alec Baldwin. Anyone else got any funny unexpected-narrarator stories?

So I forgot to mention something cute...

that Natha said today - he 'informed' me that monkeys have butts that look just like ours. And fingers, arms, and legs that look mostly the same.

Just in case you weren't aware, you are now. You guys didn't realize that about monkeys, did you, huh??? :)

Creationists be dammed! A 5-year-old got you! Nyeah-nyeah nyeah-nyeah-nyeah!

So I hit the pool... and it hit me back, hard...

...so I'm trying to at least stave off the peeling by drinking tons of Propel (which I do anyways) and applying lotion as often as I can stand to (meaning after every shower or whenever I'm changing clothes.) I've never liked lotion, which I guess comes from being an oily-natured (compared to most people, although not Ed) ex-jock - where lotion=sticky and sticky=bad, therefore by an axiom of analogical congruence, lotion=bad... see, who says I can't remember geometry... it's the only 'math' I was good at and can remember somewhat. All my other math knowledge is lost in that blur of depression that was college.

We're still reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... I read somewhere the other day that when Roald Dahl saw the first movie he didn't allow any subequent ones... after reading part of the book and seeing the movie, I can see his point. They ruined a great book the same way Jurassic Park was ruined - the essence, the point, the overall tone of the book and the movie were completely different. It's good, then, that they found the *only* person that hadn't seen the original movie but was old enough to write a screenplay to re-adapt the book for movie-dom. Don't get me wrong, I still love the movie - it's just way different in demeanor than the book I'm reading now. Sure, all the characters are there and the plot is about the same (at least it is overall), but *why* they get from A to B is completely different.

I went to a yoga class this morning and Natha hung out at the kids area (officially termed nursery, but we don't want to call it that). I hadn't done yoga in a while- and this was more strenuous ashtanga-ish style than the hatha I'm used to. For those not yet labelled a yoga nut, that means that instead of the more relaxing, stretching-only, seated postures that I had been doing for a while (http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/485_1.cfm, or Half Lord of the Fishes pose) I'm now going for things like this http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/468_1.cfm or the Crane pose, and http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/785_1.cfm or the Eagle pose. Boy are my hamstrings sore, and I'm more flexible than most... Ed's supposed to go to a class tomorrow morning, and I've warned him to not get frustrated and to stay cool - it doesn't take long to get good at a lot of postures, especially if you focus on the pose and try to keep good form. He's just been stretching his hamstrings the last week and he can already feel a difference.

There are two things that weird me out lately - one's something that just can happen now and I go on, and the other's something I need to work on in a more private, emotional way. They're also completely unrelated, really. The first one that 'happened' and is just something odd is that I can now pick Natha up under the armpits without having to bend down at all. That's a weird thing to be able to do. I wonder how old most mothers are and if it's related to the height of the mom - but then I'd think it wouldn't be that much since taller people have longer arms, generally speaking.

The second thing is how I 'naturally' feel when Ed goes out somewhere without me (or without me and Natha). Now, the logical part of me is ok with this - we're not connected at the hip like Chang and Eng nor would I want to be. The irrational part of me (which I am no good at hiding, especially around him) makes me huffy, snitty, and otherwise not accepting of his non-work activities with other friends. I think part of it comes from being the person 'left behind with the kid' when Natha was younger - people around me went out and hung out with friends I wanted to see too, but I got the short end of the stick on more than one occasion - it was the rule back then, not the exception. Not only do I usually want to go, but there's usually some conflict with having a kid when the people you're around don't have that sort of responsibility to consider when making plans. If our friends were married with children, very few gatherings would be kid-lacking unless there was much planning and deliberation on everyone's part. However, Ed's friends (which I lovingly adopt as my own now) are both single and married (not simultaneously, duh) and there's not a kid in sight, so parties spring up semi-spontaneously without much time to make other arrangements for the simultaneous care of the precious progeny. So, the gatherings in question aren't kid-friendly or kid-acceptable - not because they don't like us or want Natha there, but they're not used to thinking about someone who has a kid - and they shouldn't be expeced to change just on our part - that would just be weird. Most people who have kids drop off the face of the earth as far as their single friends are concerned and they no longer have friends that don't have children, sometimes I think out of pure convenience. You just don't usually have the same things in common, plus it's a pain in the butt to get just the adults alone together to spend significant time doing nuthin' much.

Bottom line is that I don't like being the one who has to stay at home while others go to a gathering I want to attend just because Natha shouldn't go. Mind you, I had the kid, and he's mine... but when I was single, there wasn't another choice - and I had more days without Da Kid just for things like this. Now that he's with us the majority of the time, though, there's less likelihood that the gathering will fall on a night when we're kid-less. I didn't have to watch someone else in the family go out and have the fun while I stayed home back when I was single - I could just rationalize that it wasn't in the cards, like I just had some other commitment that particular night. The last time I had to watch someone else go out while I was stuck was a long time ago, but it really hurt me for various reasons, thus I don't forget it easily. That translates into irrational baggage at this later date, baggage that I'm incapable of stashing in the closet now for the sake of simplicity and consideration for others, although I sometimes wish I could.

I'm also somewhat conflicted about the situation otherwise because I don't think that Natha's schedule should be interrupted for him to go to a drop-in daycare for a night just because I want to go over to someone's house - he shouldn't have to suffer, and he really does want to be with us and not leave most of the time. So I think frustration is the key element at play here - sure we could stash the kid somewhere, but I don't want to put Natha out, yet I don't want to be the one 'stuck' at home as the babysitter. Not sure what to do about this one. I'll have to think about it some more... I don't think the solution is to have Ed stay home, most certainly, or for me to get better about hiding my irrational disdain. There's got to be some better solution. Just don't know what it is yet.

I have been more angry, irrational, emotional, and otherwise charged up lately, all around, and I can chalk some of it up to hormone fluctuations - but the cause of the rest I'm not sure. (Like a semi-intelligent woman, I feel I should analyze it to death before just accepting it.) Some of it might be from staying home with Natha semi-full time, some might be left over from when Ed was working like a robot (AKA all the time) a couple weeks ago, and some might be from the funk I tend to get into when I'm not busy enough. I hope, however, that it's not that I'm having more of these emotions overall, it's just that I'm letting more of them out in different ways than usual. Not many people have seen me cry, and even fewer have seen me get really angry. My lack of emotions coming out and feeling staying bottled up is a huge emotional health no-no for me and is an emotional habit I worked hard to limit if not break a long time ago. I still find myself lapsing back into that old habit, though, like someone who had just about completely quit smoking, congratulated themselves, then stopped paying attention to changing the habit and fell back on the unhealthy wagon again. I go in these cycles where I do things the right way, put it on autopilot, then lapse again... So I hope the root of this is in opening up more, not that I'm feeling more in general. I'm not sure which it is yet...

I had a pizza delivered tonight for dinner for Natha and I, thinking I'd feel better about the Ed-being-gone situation. Since I did yoga, today, though, I just feel like I ate icky food. It sucks that I would think that junk food would make me feel happier (which it has most of the time in the past, and it's worked like a charm back then), but it's good that it didn't work now. It makes me have to deal with my emotions, though, which isn't easy when you're not used to it. The pizza-therapy was easier and tastes better (usually), but it doesn't help things in the long term. I suppose I should change my mindset in that direction, but pineapple pizza, when it's good, it's *oh* so good. There's also pizza and cheesesticks left in the refrigerator. I'm not going to go eat them just because I'm somewhat bored and like the way they taste, though. I'll wait until I wake up in the middle of the night and have a craving for them that won't go away until I have some. Yep, that's always happened to me, even when I wasn't pregnant - I wake up wanting pizza, then I go grab some and come back to bed. I can't sleep when I'm hungry, though, and if there's pizza to be eaten, it'll stay in my mind until it's gone. Let's hope that with continuing yoga and working out that last couple-sentence raving rant turns from the imperfect to the pluperfect to the past tense entirely.

I need to go to bed now - Ed's not home, but I hope he will be soon... I get freaked out being alone in a big house at night, even if it's in a safe neighborhood - I spent too much time living in East Nashville not to scrutinize every outside noise for its potential dangers... again, an irrational thing, but still a *thing*

Word to your mother, G.

So I think we're going to hit the pool tomorrow...

...Natha and I... since we're just about all better, and we're starting to get antsy staying here all day, and there are only so many errands I want to run to get out of the house considering they almost all involve spending money...

I should be grading quizzzes, but I'm not. Those will just have to wait until tomorrow. So HA!

Ed and I have been working out every day since sunday now - woo-hoo, a whole 4 days in a row, you say - but for two people who have been pretty sedentary other than sexercise for about 6 months, that's a big deal. Thus far he hasn't pushed me to play racquetball too much... I wonder if I told him I'd play if we could listen to hip-hop on the way there and on the way back if he'd do it... :)

I've realized that I've lost the quiet time I used to have - not for bad reasons, but it's just been pushed to the side. Ed's idea of decompressing involves watching TV or surfing the internets, or something else electrically oriented... and since I would like to be with him at the end of the day, I catch myself doing stuff like that since I don't *mind* it, I actually enjoy it, really... but I don't have any quiet if I do that. I didn't used to be so big on quiet - it was just not being noisy, and wasn't that necessary. It wasn't until I started doing yoga that I started to look for and place more value upon being quiet at night. It also evolved importance because my house was so small that if I watched TV, Natha would hear it and wake up. So, I started making every night after I went to bed my quiet time, where I'd read, write in my journal, and do yoga to my little heart's content. It also made sure that I got plenty of sleep, since I can't stay awake and read if I'm tired. Don't get me wrong, I love Ed's company - but I sincerely miss my time to be quiet. If it wasn't for the Daily show, I'm sure he would be more ok with it. We'll probably talk more about this amongst ourselves in a minute - he just came in here...

Meanwhile I've got a stack of 10 Yoga Journals and 3 Scientific Americans plus a journal to write in that have been neglected lately... I think they need a bit more attention, dudes, so TTFN...

So Natha's been doing lots of misbehaving...

...and it's really wearing on me. He was sick for so long that I think I (and other people) excused his behavior to a point, and now he's better and taking advantage of that. It may also be that kids take a developmental/behavioral step backwards when they get ill, and Natha's been a prime example in the past and may be so now. I think the solution is go back to where we made a big point about behaving and go back to more stict consequences when he doesn't listen. He's been acting like he *used* to instead of what he can act like, and it's time to whip him back into shape. We had lightened up a little because he had started behaving better, but he's not anymore.

Natha's been doing better reading now, and he's starting to want to say what letters are in a word that is on something, like this morning it was Country Crock. After he said all the individual letters, I asked him what that said, and he said 'butter'. Needless to say, we've got a ways to go, phonetically speaking.

Ed and I now have a family membership to the YMCA, and started working out on sunday - we played racquetball on sunday, then went and did some cardio yesterday. He's kind of back on the subway diet, and we're trying to make it a family ordeal, so we still get the bonding even though we're eating take-out. I'd like to go to a yoga class tonight since we don't have Natha, but who knows if I can talk Ed into going for yoga purposes. I'm sure he'd love to go play racquetball, but my desire to play racquetball is about as high as his desire to listen to hip-hop. But, just like him, I don't mind it too much, and I have fun because he's there and enjoying it - not because I'm hitting the ball or taking the game seriously. So, honey, if you can put up with the occasional hip-hop/disco/dance music, I can go play racquetball a couple of times a week. It doesn't do it for me, but you do. :)

We're watching Godzilla vs. Megalon, something Ed and I recorded off of the SciFi channel on sunday. If you skip the first 20 minutes, it's pretty Godzilla vs. ______ action heavy. Gigan even makes an appearance. The music is hilarious, though. Since it's from the early 70's, it's got that kind of hippie-chick music that spewed forth the jam bands we have today, or it's silly austin powers-ish stuff. It's almost over, though, then it's time to take him to his dad's.

I'm wearing the skirt I bought on sunday at Goodwill - it's a liz claiborne long black with white polka-dots. For $4, you can't beat it. It's nice and summery, and makes the fact that I wear funny t-shirts almost all the time less boy-like. I decided that as long as I'm wearing a skirt, I look like a girl, regardless of the top I'm wearing. Wearing skirts makes Ed happy (and me too)... and it's good that I'm wearing skirts, because I'd burn up in jeans and be branded the neighborhood hussy if I wore the shorts outside that I wear inside. I've always had a tendency to brazenly wear short shorts - that's my other epitaph. The one I already have is 'Tends to run off with boys.'. Natha's is 'Dandelion sniffer and Godzilla freak'. Ed's is "He bought lunch.' I'm trying to remember what Erin's is... I'm sure I'll think of it soon...

Natha's just received his first 'follow up on a warning' spanking. I'm just going to have to not put up with it - which is hard for me...

Ah, later I should be back. Who knows, though...

So I tried this new blogthing... and here are the results...

I put in Ed (thinking of Natha) and this is what it said...

Your Daddy Is Johnny Depp

What You Call Him: Daddy Dearest Why You Love Him: He's the Mack Daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

For Kazu, it said this:

Your Daddy Is Ozzy Osbourne

What You Call Him: Pops Why You Love Him: You don't love him, you just love calling him "daddy"

I think Ed's is really funny... I'm also catching up on all the internet stuff I like to do... so I'll be back posting more later this afternoon, dude.

So I'm getting better at MarioKart each time I play...

...we moved up to 100cc today, and amazingly enough, I like it better. Natha's become attached to riding shotgun with Ed and just throwing whatever he can... he's gotten really good at it, too - he knows when to throw each possible item at the best time, including pegging people with turtle shells. Ah, it's always cool when family time is video game time. :)

I made tortilla de potata last night for the first time in forever - I haven't made it since I took it to Anne's going-away luncheon at school. People looked at it funny at first and thought it was quiche (shows what they know - quiche has more stuff in it and is in a crust of some sort) but they liked it. I've become very attached to it, and was honestly a bit disappointed to not have the rest of the tapas with it - we didn't have any chorizo or olives I like, nor any jamon (pig leg). Ed needs to order more stuff from La Tienda. Natha even wanted some chorizo, and really liked the tortilla. The best kind is when I make it with the buttery potatoes (they have butter flavor grown into them) - it makes it even richer than it already is. I've gotten to where I can make it in about 30 minutes and don't even need a recipe... so we had that and bread with tomate for dinner. I'm sure Ed and I will rumble over the last two leftover pieces, even though I wrapped him up a tortilla sandwich with the other piece. I'm the only source of spanish food for him outside of his mommy - it's always great to see him get all excited when I make something spanish for him - he doesn't quite giggle like a schoolgirl, but it's not far off.

We're watching the movie Dinosaur - I remember when it came out - Kazu and I were going to see Almost Famous because we were arguing about which movie to see and I just picked one, and until that movie started, we went in to see Dinosaur. Now that I'm thinking about it again, we should have just stayed in for the rest of Dinosaur - Almost Famous wasn't *that* great. Plus the animation in Dinosaur is really good.

I'm now going to list my favorite kids movies, just in case you were wondering (I knew you were - don't ask me how):

Top five:
1. Chicken Run
2. Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
3. Ice Age
4. Monsters Inc.
5. Osmosis Jones

Honorable Mention:
The Emperor's New Groove
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Shrek
The Harry Potter movies
The Incredibles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the first one)

Now, a list of 'adult' movies I find mostly approved for children's viewing (they're Natha's favorites, too):
Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail
UHF
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Little Shop of Horrors
anything by the Three Stooges
Mystery Men
The Indiana Jones movies (particularly the Last Crusade)
Pirates of the Carribean

Movies that parents should not have been dragged to just because of commercials the kids saw on cartoon shows:
Robots (which was sad, because I love Robin Williams)
Jungle Book 2
anything Barney
Madagascar
The Scooby Doo movies that came out in the last 5 years

Can ya tell I'm in a listing mood?

Here's the last list - good foreign movies that you can watch with little kids around since the most objectionable things are language, and they're subtitled/ hard to understand:
Elling
Ma Vie en Rose
Monty Python's Flying Circus
La Vita E Bella

When Natha was really little and not paying attention I used to watch all kinds of movies with the soundtrack on a foreign language (usually en francais since that's what I can understand) and the subtitles in english so he could hear the foreign language with native pronunciation. Not to mention it's a hell of a lot more interesting than Baby Einstein when you're having to witness it as an adult, too.

I'm still running into things that I did as a habit back when it was just Natha and I, and I'm not snapping out of it as much as I would have thought - like how I buy the versions of margarine, orange juice, and peanut butter that have extra calcium added - when that isn't good for Ed. Or like ordering pizza on friday and watching a bunch of movies.

Man, if you're a biology nerd, you need to catch Ozzy & Drix on Cartoon network - it's a spin-off of Osmosis Jones and is a good way to get kids interested in what happens in their bodies, in that cartoon kind of way. Natha really likes it, and I do too - although it's no Sheep in the Big City. Ooh, I want Sheep to come back. That was some prime pun-filled 20+minutes. It was also the first song Natha sang along with - he would sing the 'Baaa' in the theme song. Oh, those were the days. Now Natha bursts out saying either 'Freak Out!' from Le Freak, or 'I like big butts and I cannot lie' from Baby Got Back. He cool, though. He my dog, G.

So... AAAHHH! I realized I'm still talking about *TV*...

...but I did build a bookshelf today. Ed said that me building a bookshelf meant that he had failed me as a man - I don't agree, however. He can bring in all the $$ he wants, that makes him quite a success as a man. See, if I hadn't *wanted* to build to bookshelf and then felt I had to since he hadn't, then he might have temporarily slacked as a man. I built it out of procrastination, really. I cleaned the guinea pig cage today & the rest of the bonus room, and I didn't have any *cleaning* left in me, so I had to do something else. I didn't want to organize the space-which-is-supposed-to-be-my-office, so that left the bookshelf. Hey, I only got through one of them before Ed came home, even. When he called to say that he was on his way home, I told him what I was doing and he told me to stop... which was cute. I figure I should be doing some of the things that need to be done around the house and have been waiting for attention for a while now since I'm staying home with Natha. He's old enough to allow me to do more than you'd think (if you have kids) and less than you'd think (if you don't have them) and I don't want to come across as a slacker in *all* respects when he comes home and I don't have anything substantial to tell him other than what was on Dr. Phil today.

Natha was back to himself, the behaved version, yesterday. That's the first time in almost a month that he's been listening and behaving - so I was in a much better mood yesterday just for that fact. His leg still doesn't look very good, and the nose goo to kill any colonies in his nose is making him produce snot like a mo'-fo'. I've given him dimetapp and he's still snorting all the time to slurp it back in. It's better than him picking his nose, though. Hopefully he'll learn himself a thing or two about digging for gold since that's probably what got him into this mess - I think I've made the point to him that the pickin' caused the boo-boos, and if he doesn't want any more he shouldn't pick. He's stopped picking or at least drastically cut down on it since I pointed out the correlation. Let's hope it lasts...

We realized that when Natha watches regular on-TV cartoons he just sits there and stares - but when he watches Looney Tunes, he watches and laughs, watches and laughs. He really does like the music, too. We're thinking of taking him to the Beethoven Festival in a couple of weeks since they're playing his 9th symphony - which is Natha's favorite. We even have the concern that if we took him we'd have to make sure he didn't sing, or at least too loudly - he belts it out when we're in the car.

So I suppose Ed's going to want me to pay him some attention now that he's up here... I guess that's my *wifely* duty, at least during the day... Natha seems to want to play some games... I hope it's not MarioKart - I suck at that one, since it's all forward motion, and I stopped playing video games before that was possible - I kick ass at the sideways ones, but not forward ones... wouldn't that figure those are the ones Natha likes... :)

So I was watching the Cosby show yesterday...

...and I would like to think that Ed and I approach family and children like Clair & Cliff... they find a lot of humor in everyday things, support their children but foster their independence, and deal with issues when they arise in such a way that assumes that their children are capable of solving the problem - even if they don't want to or don't choose to at first. I'd like to hope that we interact with Natha that way plus keeping intelligent careers that are different in nature... they're not the same person, they're just very compatible.

I just spent about half an hour looking for the name of one of the monsters he got in his package of Godzilla figurines - the closest thing I could find is that it's Destoroyah Crab form - but it looks more like a spider or scorpion form than a crab form. I think we'll just call it Destoroyah Crab, though, for simplicity's sake.

We're just hanging out today - we might go to the Cumberland Science museum tomorrow or maybe sunday, but I didn't want to go today because I wanted Ed to go with us since I thought he'd enjoy the experience...

Natha and I are going to go take Ed some stuff he forgot this morning, then it's time for lunch, then a 'rest' for Natha... oh, the life of a mom... :)

So I realized that my rants lately have all been about TV...

...geez, I need to start reading more (and stop complaining.) I'm off to school (mine) with Natha to pick up my teaching evaluation, then to the mall to price resetting my mom's diamond. We'll see how those two go...

Laterz, dudez.

So I'm watching the Discovery Health channel...

...to which I used to be addicted. Not long after I had Natha, I had lots of fun watching Discovery Health whenever I had a free minute. I also spent a bunch of time watching Baby Story on TLC - until I got disgusted with the way in which american mothers think they *have* to approach childbirth - from ugly maternity clothes to buying extremely expensive nursery furniture that is *still* hideous then complaining about wanting an epidural in the 8th month. The baby shows are just like the wedding shows, where this ideal, expected, even envied perfect day is commericalized, standardized, and hyped-up even more - to be followed with the letdown they edit out for 'good tv's sake'. You can build up the day, look forward to it, heck - I'm all for doing what you want to on that day - but the more ceremony and pomp you 'require', the more you're going to be disappointed after, and you're most likely forgetting about the important things that happen afterwards that are *really* worthy of attention... like buying your first house or watching your child roll over for the first time. The *important* parts are those after the commencement - not the commencement itself. I almost see the ostentatious display as a coverup for insecurity in other areas - whether it be with your abilities of a wife or mother or with the state of your relationship. Not that I wasn't insecure about having a kid when I was 21 years old - will I do everything right? I hadn't ever HELD a child as young as he until he popped out - no one else in my family has any children, as I have a relatively small family in the last few generations - my grandparents' families are full of siblings, but I've only got two uncles, one on each side. I've got one - count it - one first cousin. No one I knew at the time had any children under the age of about 7. I read everything I could get my hands on, as a good hermione should, to best deal with the arrival of a new child.

Now what I'm about to say may sound ostentatious myself - but I do feel this way - I'm very proud to have had natural childbirth with my son. I would have felt like I had cheated all the other women before me that had children in the ages of Homo sapiens had I taken pain medicine during labor. Yes, I had some Stadol after he was delivered because of a complication - which I wish I hadn't, since it retroactively affected my memory of him being born. Women's bodies are supposed to bear children - and I do not believe that you should be looked down upon if you have a complication of some sort but had wanted to have natural childbirth and it didn't work out that way. Medical advances should not be abandoned if they really are the best thing for all involved, but I'm a minimalist about these sort of things. Like I said before, it's your day and it should go as closely to your plan as it can - I just have certain internal standards that govern what I feel and how I act about most things, especially motherhood and wifely duties. You don't like it, stop reading... :)

I'm about to call Ed and ask him what the deali-yo is - he was supposed to be home in time for dinner, and it's almost 7:30... he didn't answer the phone - so he's probably still working on something, trying to 'fix it'. I hope he does soon...

I'm about tired of typing, so I'm going to watching TV full-time. The above isn't that I'm baby-crazy, I just happened to have this on my mind, sweetie.

Man, that Geico commercial about the reality show 'Tiny House' is hilarious - it makes me laugh every time I see it!

So I see these wedding TV shows and wonder...

am I just that much of an anomaly to not have any desire for the to-do, the ceremony, and the planning of a wedding? Everyone seems to be wedding-crazy, and I'd be the only person I know to not have any ceremony/reception of some sort - to just go to the courthouse. Sure, I know it's an individual decision, and I've made mine. It just seems like the people who aren't wedding crazy are baby crazy -- and I'm not really either... if anything, I'm closer to baby crazy, but still pretty far off. I wonder if I'm really that different than other women... even the ones I know who aren't particularly girly have memories and/or advice they learned about their wedding that they share when I tell them I'm getting married. They're even more surprised when I tell them what we're doing... I just wonder about it, that's all.

I told Natha that I'd play with him when he cleaned up his tinkertoys - and I guess he decided he'd rather keep watching Gammera than clean up. He's gotten better to the point where he'll ask us *sometimes* for attention before starting to act up... he's been better about it today, too.

Sheesh, I'm tired. Nothing like waking up at 6am for the second day in a row... I'm not meant for this getting up early business... it's a necessary evil, though. I at least got to have breakfast with Ed even though he left on an emergency call at 6:15 - we went to waffle house at like 8:30...

I need to go have something for lunch & look up things on the internets... ttyl...

So I'd like to say a few things (like usual)...

...some things about my on-hold research endeavor, and some things that are just what I feel like posting...

My conclusion about research: My son is the most important thing in my life, and therefore I should start acting like it. Yes, I would like to have known how this would have worked out this way before I started, but hey, I'm figuring this out as I go just like the rest of us. I couldn't have predicted that I'd feel this way a year ago - if I would have, I wouldn't have started this endeavor as I did. The second most important thing in my life: my husband-to-be. I'm adjusting to acting like it. It's hard to go from making all the money and controlling all the decisions of the house to sharing that with someone, when I was so used to doing it all myself, mainly out of habit. I like and look forward to sharing him with Natha, and I'm glad to have him 'all to myself' as a husband. It might work out to do research a couple of days a week in the fall, it might not. We'll see.

The biggest issue at hand in my life at the moment is family... As interesting as research is, and as good of a time I have when I'm there, my mind and my heart are back with my family - Ed at work and Natha in daycare. I can't in good conscience continue to be away from them during the day when the thing keeping me away isn't more important to me than spending time with them. Sure, it might 'put people out' or in some way not be the best thing for them - which is unfortunate. However, my family is most important, and anything else can be changed or rearranged to fit their needs. Like any breakup, it's not you, it's me. In other words, which someone told me the other day - someone has to raise the child. I've let other people 'raise' Natha during the day - I can't tell you whether or not he takes a nap during the weekdays, or what his favorite craft is to do. My mom worked in daycare for a long time, and I learned from that that the teachers don't tell you what cute little new things your child does during the day, as to not hurt your feelings since you weren't there. I've missed a lot already since I've worked full time or been in school full time since he was 6 weeks old - it's about time he gets a stay-at-home-mom - and he's going to get one...at least temporarily

So, now I'm going to delve into something I saw on a blog today...

'What things do you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play? What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?'

(in no order whatsoever)

1. Watching Natha when he doesn't know I'm paying attention - listening to him sing and play the bongos, make up a story with his dinosaurs, or anything else when he's not 'trying' to be cute - he's just being Natha.

2. Posting in this blog - it's my semi-public journal of thoughts and working out issues as they come up - I know (I'd think) that my friends read this, so they still know what's going on even when we're not hanging out a lot.

3. Planning - doesn't matter what, there's always something to plan. Planning involves writing lists and thinking of things I need to do, then praying at the altar of Franklin-Covey in the planner I so eagerly buy at the beginning of *every* year.

4. Watching redneck, getto, WT people on daytime TV talk shows. Yes, it's my biggest guilty pleasure, and I LIKE IT.

5. Thinking about Ed. Not in a dreamy or long, drawn-out way, but just a quick, warm-fuzzy way. I imagine his lovely presence, and what I feel like when I'm around him. I then take my flutter-by feeling in my tummy and go on with what I was doing before.

'List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good - but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now.'

1. I Just Called To Say I Love You, Stevie Wonder
2. Scooby Snacks, Fun Lovin' Criminals
3. Flight of the Bumblebee, Yo Yo Ma & Bobby McFerrin
4. Baba O'Riley, The Who
5. Mr. Mom, Lonestar
6. Memories of Us, Keith Urban
7. Six Foot Town, Big & Rich

(I've always had trouble paring down a list to meet the 'rules' - I just like lists too much. I'm also into country at the moment.)

The Michael Jackson case verdict is on - which sucks, because I don't want to miss it and I have to pee - I drank a Large Cherry Limeade not long ago... I think he didn't do it, but we'll see what the *important* people think...

So we started out with The Princess Bride...

...but we've since switched to Return of the Jedi - we tried on Princess Bride with the caveat that if Natha didn't want to keep watching it, we'd change to the more light-saber laden of the two. You see what won... :)

Natha's leg looks a lot better - maybe it's just healing on its own, or maybe it's the antibiotic working. It's hopefully not the MRSA they were checking for - the antibiotic for that costs a *lot* more than the broad-spectrum one we have now. Not that I woudn't buy it, it's just money I'd be glad not to spend.

Ed, Erin, and I played a rousing game of Scrabble last night - we had a lot of interesting words played. We also had that dippin' strips pizza, which I must say now has me hooked. I like the small pieces that make me fill up easier so I don't eat as much... Ed seems to like it too, unless he's just pretending to make me happy (which is fine, too :))

Natha came back today from his dad's house and was bouncing off the freakin' walls. So we asked Natha why he wasn't listening and was so worked up, and he said it was because of the sugar he had for breakfast - since he wasn't with us, we asked him what he had ate... which, not to our surprise, was the equivalent of chocolate-frosted sugar-bombs. Yep, pop-tarts were the guilty party - grape ones at that. Who would have thought that sugar would have such a long-lasting effect... I know there are studies that break any link between sugar and hyperactivity. I just can't believe them for my particular son. I'm *very* sensitive to caffeine, to where eating chocolate can keep me up at night. Decaf coffee still has enough caffeine to keep me wired. So, it's no surprise that Natha has a similar issue, or at least their seems to be a correlation. I called Kazu to ask him what Natha had for breakfast to make sure Natha wasn't telling a 'tall-tale', and he confirmed the story. I then told him that next time, before we had him, we'd give Natha some Jolt cola - I think he got the hint.

Well, I'm supposed to be cleaning the house, but watching this movie with the boys is much more interesting than that. We'll see if it gets done today - if not, there's always tuesday. I hate to put it off, but if I start and don't finish, it won't all get done this time - I'll start over again in a week. Oh well. *Darn*

So I did this internet job predictor for us 3 family members...

and here's what it said:

Natha, Your ideal job is a Top Gun Pilot.

Eduardo, Your ideal job is a Professional Tramp.

and finally...

Leigh, Your ideal job is a God for everyone.

It's always entertaining to be given a God complex by an internet job predictor. Makes you think about how you've been living you life, and those so-called goals that you set. :)

I'm more stressed out than freaked out today - Natha's leg turned up with another suspicious bump after he had one appear on his chin a couple days ago, so I took him to the doctor. They said it's not bug bites, but a bacterial infection in the skin. They're concerned it might be MRSA - a link to more info on that is here:

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/welcome/infectionsguide/mrsa.html

So they took a sample of the (for lack of a more polite word) pus that comes out of it and are going to culture it to see if they need to change the antibiotic. He's just on a regular broad-spectrum antibiotic at the moment (starting tonight). The Dr who was taking the culture tricked us by not telling us she was going to squeeze it - and the culture really hurt him. That's one of the things that was stressing me out earlier - but I feel much better now that we met Ed for a late breakfast at Waffle House.

Ooh - I get to go see The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl this afternoon - and it's in 3D! I'm sure you'll all want to go with me, but you can't, sadly. I know, you'll just have to feel silly for buying a ticket for an adult without the child's ticket. I think that, for movies like this, if you buy a child's ticket, you should get an adult ticket for free. That, or they should allow you to just drop the kid off and *they* have to sit through the movie. They shouldn't make you do *both*. I'd rather be reading Walden, honestly.

So I'm chillin' downstairs, and Natha's upstairs watching Destroy All Monsters. Yes, he like the old ones - even he knows that the Broderick version from 1998 was crap and shouldn't be tolerated. He likes the ones from the 1960's the best. Especially those ones worthy of MST3K. He's also turning into a video game ninja - Ed taught him how to press the series of buttons to allow him to enter a cheat code, then enter the numbers for it too - and it's 6 numbers long. Video games are responsible for him being more able to sit still, telling left from right, A from B, and for reading numbers. If only they'd make a video game that taught them to read. I think that's a gold mine waiting to be tapped... to bad I'm not a video game developer. The problem with most things that teach kids to read is that they're stuffy, boring, and cheezy, and don't make it cool to read - that goes for the people, too, not just the computer games/board games/etc.

So I made the prime mistake that Natha does all the time with food of various types (namely yogurt, really) - I went on the cover of a book as to its true contents instead of thinking it through thoroughly and realizing that it's not a good as the outside package makes it seem to be. Natha does it all the time with fancy-schmancy yogurt like Gogurt and Trix yogurt - he thinks that it's going to be good since the package looks cool, then realizes the yogurt tastes like crap compared to the regular fruit blends dannon yogurt I buy. It's funny because he'll go to make the same mistake again in asking for it, I remind him that he didn't like it last time he got it, then he stops wanting it because he remembers. I did it with The Lost World - I forgot, as Ed says, that it is horribly Victorian. I even started reading it out loud last night and stopped in favor of continuing with Charlotte's Web which was a much more interesting and reasonable choice.

I think that if I do get this whole Natha-at-home thing to work, I'll end up writing in here more often - it's my adult break since I only get 3 calls during the day to Ed because he doesn't want to talk to me (just kidding, sweetie) and the Brentwood wives and the Barnes & Noble don't really want to hear about video games, godzilla, or breakthroughs in biology. Those topics are for the dry-brained menfolk, not us precious little ladies, I know, but I can't help myself - it's what I think about.

Ed drew a lovely schematic for me the other day as a way of expressing his thoughts toward me forwarding him the weekly emails I get from Science magazine about the highlights of the recent literature and synopses of their recent articles. I had sent him an article talking about a new method for sexing dinosaur bones based upon a bony structure only found on female modern-day birds. He proceeded to draw a stick figure of indeterminate ethnicity (including mustache & beard) with glasses - with an arrow pointing to this figure's brain stating that it was interested in math. He then drew a taller stick figure with glasses and boobs, pointing to the brain saying 'boring science'. He then asked me to place the phrase 'Birds have Bones' into the correct category... Unfortunately he had to erase it to make room for some other project he was planning, but it was funny. Like Ed & Sean say, all good jokes should require a whiteboard.

I suppose I should go check on Da Kid. I've decided he's old enough to have one movie a day, of which I don't need to watch with him. I can go downstairs, alert him of my location, and do something I want to do. We'd be at the zoo or at the pool, but with his infection he can't go to either right now... He's come down here twice with two things for me - a Mecha-Rodan made from legos, and a set of tinkertoy nunchucks. They're quietly taking a nap next to me... Natha's asking me how to 'press start' on the calculator sitting next to me... now I have to explain that it's *not* a video game.

Oh, and I need to remember to delve into our (Ed and I's) idea for making scientific equipment entirely out of legos. I'm sure we'd sell lots of them, too!

TTFN!

So I'm freaked out for a couple of different reasons...

One, because I'm worried about Erin - yes, life is hard... harder for some than it is for others. It's easy to start thinking, after a while, that the bad swing isn't going to swing up to be good - ever. Sure, it takes a degree of faith... the lower you get, the higher up the upswing will be. It just takes hard work and is an uphill battle. There isn't anything else I can say other than that. Erin, you have a lot of people who care for you - we may just get misdirected in our actions or not know how to help. Just remember that - we're human too.

Two, because it looks like my summer of research isn't going to continue much longer - I'm realizing that my priorities lie in teaching and my family. Mainly with family, though. Natha starts school this August - and he's not ever had a time that I haven't worked full time or been in school full time - in the entire time since that day when he was 6 weeks old and I went back to school to finish undergrad. Ed has more work than he can shake a stick at, and could use a person to take care of the house incedentals and be able to have a more open schedule to spend time with him.

More about Natha, though - he's also not having a particular good time at his daycare - he's never been crazy about going, either. I've got the teaching commitment, which is two days a week, from now until the second week of August. He has three half-days of school starting on the 15th, then it's full-time school except summers until he's 18, almost 19. He'll be one of the younger ones in the class (I was one of the oldest in mine). All of this leads me to think that Natha should have some time to be mommied, hang out at the pool, take lessons during the day, and be 'homeschooled' to an extent this summer - I can start teaching him more about letters and doing lots of crafts - you should see how his eyes light up when I say that we're going to do crafts. I hope it wouldn't make it harder to leave to go to school, though. There are lots of things like that that I need to think about before we can go and possibly do anything different than we are now. I've got to get Kazu to have him when I teach, plus a few hours, and drop him off somewhat early in the morning - which I don't know if that will fly.

There are other considerations - sure, I'm a lot calmer than I used to be - but would that change to stressed-out if I had Natha during the day? I guess that I can also see it as being being less stressed - since I'll be doing stuff (teaching) and I'll also do things other than sit around during the day - we'll go to the pool, the zoo, and do stuff here at home. That, and it's only temporary - if I don't like it, it's over in August. Also, there are lots of things that come along with a family membership to the YMCA that we're contemplating that will make the endeavor more fun - like that I can work out and have him play outside, to get a minute to myself. Ed's also around to carry his weight with the parenting - even if he's busy working, he still manages to have time for us, which is my big 'requirement'. We try to eat at least 2 meals at the table as a family a day (even if it's another restaurant's table.) I can tell that Natha's getting an idea of what family is all about - when he catches or finds some bug, caterpillar, or lizard, he wants to let them go so they can 'go back to their family so they're not lonely'.

Natha's also better behaved, so he can go to lots of other places with me with minimal trouble. We went to the bookstore this morning to go get some classic chapter books to read at night - I'm trying to get him used to sitting and listening to a story without looking at pictures as the main source of information - to use his imagination with things that are read to him.

These are the books we bought:
L. Frank Baum - The Wizard of Oz
E.B. White - Charlotte's Web
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - The Lost World
Roald Dahl - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
C.S. Lewis - The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew
Charles Darwin - Origin of Species
Henry David Thoreau - Walden
Friederich Nietzsche - The Birth Of Tragedy

Ok, so I'm just kidding on those last three - especially the Thoreau - I couldn't subject anyone to that, especially a kid we're trying to get to *like* reading books. We're going to read a chapter or two a night, from whichever book he picks for that night. We don't need to read the others he has at night (they're for during the day), unless they're poems by Shel Silverstein - like 'Dreadful', which is my new favorite. A line from which is...

'Someone ate the baby
It's absolutely clear
Someone ate the baby
'Cause the baby isn't here.'

And no, there is no dingo to blame. I promise. I love 'Two Boxes' - that's what, I think, made me want to have two boys for kids when I grew up. I didn't have many other 'girly' feelings about names and other mushy stuff. I didn't even think about being married and raising a child with someone - it was just me with my two boys. Boy was I wrong when I was younger - it's definitely better to have someone else around, even if for just the sake of sanity.

So I think I've made up my mind on what I want to do about Natha - but there are other arrangements to make and see if they *can* be made. The two big things are 'dropping out' of the research and seeing if Kazu can have Natha when I teach. I'll do some double-checking, making sure this is really the best thing. Then, on Monday, I'll have to arrange the rest of my schedule so it works. Ah, there are lots of things to figure out. If I can get it to work, though, I think I'll look back and be glad I went this route - despite all the 'trouble' and conflict it seems to cause right now. I've just got to be ok with the conflict to go cause it.

Man, I avoid conflict like the plague. I haven't decided whether to change that aspect of me (or try, I should say.) It's a very fundamental part of my psyche, and I don't know if I should part with it. :)

Details at 11 (in that metaphorical sense, of course.)

So the GRE just lies, I guess...

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Which is funny, since I got a *much* lower score on the Verbal than on the Quantitative. Guess that must be what quick & dirty means. :)

Ed, I dare you to take this. Double-dog-dare with whipped cream & a cherry on top. Ha!

So I'm finished teaching for the first day...

...and I must admit I felt a bit freaked out this morning since it's the first time I've taught since I decided to become a teacher. Sure, it shouldn't make a difference, but it does - before, it was just fun and now it's what I'm working toward... Once I got in the class and set things up properly, the students came in and I felt at ease - like I was at home, doing what I should be. So I'm ok. I knew I would be, but that doesn't mean that I didn't get temporarily freaked.

I'm supposed to meet Ed and Chris for lunch today for a late lunch - hopefully everything is working fine with the roll-out so they don't have to work a ton this week... they worked all weekend, so hopefully the fruits of their labors don't have too big of rotten spots.

Ok, so there's a guy here on TV, one of the religious channels, that is talking about 'god' giving people physical flaws to keep people in line and keep them from getting uppity (ok, so he calls it staying humble.) He's also talking about how the grace of 'god' and how that is enough to get you through when you've got problems therefore you should feel good about persecution, illness, and other infirmities. Somehow I don't buy it, though. Sorry to all you christians - it won't work on me. If you're not convinced that you can't persuade me, read the post from yesterday about what I was teaching Natha. I'll listen to a somewhat rationally-spoken soliloquy, but that doesn't mean I'm changing my mind. :)

I also went through a channel where there was a phone number to call 'for prayer' - how exactly does that work? Do I call, give them my name and problem, and they have people that are designated to pray for whoever calls in? Or do you get added to a list that gets read to someone? Maybe they put you on a list, then they procure prayer volunteers (who maybe call in and say that they don't already have enough to do, so they'd like to pray for someone to pass the time?) I really do wonder how these things work. If they have people that they hire and keep on a payroll to pray, then what about the person who gets fired for just mouthing the words and not saying it with enough umph? Does some other employee then have to re-pray for the person who called in, since it probably didn't 'take' the first time? These are the things that I think about sometimes. I also wonder if I should just go and put my fingers on the door and not the door handle when I open the door at a business, because it's good for the economy - the more of a mess I make when I visit there, the more cleaning people they need, which creates more jobs. I also try and keep things clean, though, since I don't like to make people clean things up after me because it's not polite. I always get stuck on that one. I also wonder if the normies ever think of things like this. But then I remember - they're normies.

So I'm waiting to eat lunch - there's a storm a-brewin' outside, though. Here you think it can't be any more humid outside, then it storms outside. For those of you who haven't been to the South, you can't quite imagine it unless you've experienced it. I like it, though, in a weird kind of way...

I've got to go get dressed - I wear jeans & a t-shirt when I teach, but I've adapted to wearing skirts and looking like a girl - so I'm going to change before I go to lunch, so my honey has a wife and not just some chick who's hanging out with them...

Istanbul, not Constantinople - now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople. Been a long time gone, Constantinople.
(I need to make a copy of that CD and send it to Alan - it's something all 13 year old boys need to hear.)

So I'm going to preemptively add a disclaimer here...

...Ed doesn't *really* think that the kitchen is where I belong, nor does he really make me wear a burqa. I'm just joshin' with ya there. I am, however, interested to see what's going to get me a kid 10 years from now, other than the obvious begging & pleading. :)

See, if you could see me now, you'd see the trademark Leigh smile. If you've seen it, you know what it looks like - it's hard to miss... *smile*

Oh, and one more thing. The best cartoon ever is Sheep in the Big City. I'm going to go look on cartoon network and see if they're playing it at any ungodly hour anytime soon so I can record it. If I find anything on it, I'll let you know...

So I hope you're still reading...

...even though you've found out I've got a mad streak in me. Hey, it's who I am - if you don't like it, chill out or go read someone else's blog that is more interesting to you. I don't know you're reading anyways, so it's not like I'm missing anything!

I went to Kentucky to see the fam this weekend - Ed was originally supposed to go, but couldn't make it because of work - it isn't his fault and I know he's not making it up - firstly, someone has to pay the rent, secondly, this family gathering was planned on the worst weekend for both me and him to go out of town. I probably wouldn't have stayed as long as I did if Natha hadn't had a horrible rash on his leg - a bad allergic reaction to bug bites of some sort. He says they were ants, but someone might have asked him, 'did ants bite you?' and he thinks that must have been it since someone suggested it. This is the kid who used to tell everyone his mosquito bites were spider bites because he thought that meant he would turn into Spider-man. I can trust what he says, most of the time, unless you ask him the wrong way. He's got an imagination like that.

My poor family was trying to make Natha better this week, with all sorts of 'bug bite' treatments and different things - it just turned out that their homeopathic logic wasn't as sound as the bug bites would have liked - I originally got angry because, one, I was inclined to do so, and two, because of the sorry state of Natha's leg was upsetting to me. After I thought about it, though, they weren't wishing ill will towards him, they were trying what they knew how to do. I just wish I would have known how bad they were - I would have come up there on thursday when they got worse. He's doing a lot better now - the Dr. gave him some Zyrtec as a stronger allergy medicine and a steroid cream to put on the bites. He went from yesterday not being able to walk regularly on his leg and having huge, hot welts to this morning having reddish spots (that are big, but not hot) and walking normally. I can tell when the Zyrtec wears off - he starts limping again and mentioning his leg.

Natha just drew a picture and told me that it's his lab where he has a machine that can turn toys into real things. I told him that it sounded like a transmogrifier and he agreed and said that sounded cool. We were talking about 'convincing' and 'persuading' people to do things - mainly because we're watching Empire Strikes Back and he wants to know why Darth Vader is chasing Luke down - and I told him that Darth Vader is trying to catch Luke to get him to go over to the dark side with Darth Vader, but Luke doesn't do it. Natha didn't understand how Darth Vader was going to try to get Luke over to the dark side, and I said he was going to convince him. So I explained the methods by which one could be convinced of something - making *it* sound cool, say that everyone else is doing *it*, or talking about what someone will give you if you do *it*. I said, though, that *you* have to make your mind up regardless of what someone else says - not to just let them convince you without thinking it out. I also threw in a line about that sometimes what people want to convince you of is a good idea, but a lot of times it's a bad idea - and that you have to make your own mind up just for that reason. Luke made his own mind up instead of following what someone else says - even if it *is* his father - parents can be wrong, too. Who says you can't learn life lessons from Star Wars... :)

So I'm waiting for Ed to get home - he's still working on stuff on-site... I cleaned out the guinea pig cage - since we bought the bigger one it doesn't get dirty as easily, so I can wait longer in-between cleanings. That was one of the things on the list from last week that didn't get done because I was taking an 'angry break'...

Natha just went downstairs and returned with a light saber - thankfully it's the blue one. We've got one of each, which are kept on top of the refrigerator normally - I put them down when we got home today our future padawan's request. We have spontaneous light saber fights that break out in the house on occasion. Natha had been fighting with the wrong end of a small paintbrush and procuring us to fight against him, so I bought the expandable light sabers (not the ones that make noise, the $8 ones) so he could at least do it right. We've even started having rules, like that it's not the jedi way to hit someone with a light saber that isn't armed themselves, and if someone gets you across a limb with the light saber, you have to pretend it's not there anymore and that it's been cut off. Yes, we're a household full of nerds - except Tigger, I expect. There's something about cats in general that makes me think they're extremely trendy individuals with an unfortunate lack of expendable money - they're too cool for their own good. Everyone else is a dork. We like it that way, though.

Dude, it's 4:20. Cool, man - it's all a circle, man... Dude...

Speaking of which, I've decided I'm too big a fan of exclamation points to be either a hippie or a goth. I'm not preppy cheerleader-like (other than the terminal white-ness), though, so I'm not sure what I should be called. Maybe a hermione-esque ex-jock turned girl who happens to be a mother and a wife. There isn't a pigeon-hole for that one, so I guess I'll have to pick some pre-made category that the normies can understand. So I'm back to where I started. I'll just not listen to the man and worry about where I 'belong'. Ed tells me where I belong is barefoot in the kitchen and that I've already got too much education and I'm too uppity. That and if I don't mind him well, he'll make me wear the burqa *again*. He's such a sweetie! Oh, and I left off pregnant for a reason. I 'convinced' him to marry me for the food that I cook, laundry I do, and sexual favors - who knows what I'll have to do to get a kid out of him. :)

So I'd better go piddle around on the internet for a while. I've continued to check out Four Ninja Food Groups, which is a 'blog of note' on blogger.com, and it's a really cool blog. If you want to look at it, it's at www.fourninjafoodgroups.blogspot.com - there's a rant about scones, to give you an idea. Also, check out postsecret.blogspot.com - it's a community art project that doesn't suck!

I suppose that I should learn how to add a hyperlink in this blog, but that would be time away from writing things, plus this way you'll remember the address - like the same reason I try not to rely on speed-dial - you forget all the numbers and are a bumbling idiot when you don't have the right phone.

SanDimasHighSchoolFootballRules!!!

(props to whoever gets the reference, G...)

So I'm very, very irrationally mad...

...in only that way that women understand. I'm actually afraid that I'll have to go back on the crazy pills, as I call them. Today's just one of those days where you're better off staying away from people, or as my horoscope said today, counting to 10 before responding to anyone. So, I did my best to stay away from people once I figured out it was this kind of day...

What 'set me off' per se is the news that I would have to 'appeal' my school's decision to not automatically accept me to the post-bac teacher education program. I'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops (not hard ones, but still hoops - like letters of recommendation and a typed personal statement) because my *undergraduate* GPA was 0.06 points too low. Now, keep in mind that I went to a much more academically rigorous institution, played college athletics, had a son (and failed two semesters of class because of it), and that the grading scale is different - where I went to undergrad has the A- is only 3.7 quality points/B- is only 2.7 points etc. scale, while my current institution is strictly A is 4.0, B is 3.0. If you convert my GPA, it's more than high enough - I had quite a few A-minuses and B-minuses. Oh, and not to mention that my graduate school GPA is a freakin' 4.0 and that my GRE scores are high enough to get into any PhD program at the school. So you could imagine that me, in all my Hermione-ness, was a *bit* offended when Mr. Average Joe with a 2.75 GPA BBA from a state school gets an automatic ushering-in while me, who will have a Master's degree in biology with lab teaching experience, has to *prove* that I'm worthy and interested in teaching. Now, it's not that I think that I wouldn't get in if I jumped through their hoops, I'm just offended by the suggestion that I should have to do that.

Which brings me to other thoughts - like how long ago undergrad feels to me now - I don't remember much of it, especially the part that happened before Natha was born. The only person (other than the obvious exception of family) that knew me then and knows me now is Natha's dad - and he now doesn't know quite as much about who I am as he used to. People around me look at me now and see a completely different person than the one who got those grades when I was 19. I was a horribly irresponsible flibbertigibbet who didn't know which end was up. Honestly, it was amazing that I got the GPA I did - I spent no time, relatively speaking, working on school - I was just trying to hang on. It seems so long ago now that I forget that it's now part of the famed 'permanent record' that is carried around with me for everyone to see and make judgments about me. That may be a lot of the reason I want to have a Master's degree - to have my more accurate-representation-GPA be the thing that people look at instead of my undergrad GPA. I want to have a graduate degree for other reasons, of course, but that certainly factors in. Oh, and another note - I had a decent, above 3.0 GPA if you take out the two semesters that I had a 0.0 and 1.5 GPA because of the craziness associated with the hormones of being with-child. After I had Natha, I had above a 3.0 both semesters even though I was still a flibbertigibbet of sorts. I would really like to add an official statement on to the end of my transcript just like you can add on to the end of your credit report to add some background to the credit history that shows up when someone pulls the report. That way people know the *rest* of the story, in true Paul Harvey style.

I've been partially paying attention to Maury, one of the horribly-interesting paternity-proof, lie-detector laden shows that result from people screwing like rabbits then acting sorry for what happened afterwards. Man, no one asks the kids of these parents what they think later on, after they've grown up - although they're probably going to be on the second-generation version of these shows... Yeah, the second-generation baby-daddies that unfortunately think that's the only way to have a child - i.e. the kid 'amazingly' appears because you slept with someone at a party because they looked at you sweet and you were stoned (Oh, and no one believes you when you say you were using some form of birth control - we all know better.) And girls, please don't believe the guys when they say they'll be careful - they haven't had some childhood accident that renders them unable to have children, and they're not going to be able to pull out in time (whether they can't control it or they really *want* to deposit something inside of you and are lying to get what they want.) There are lots of fantasies, when said & done, are really not that great an idea - whether it's because you had a kid (or aborted one because of it), you've got emotional scars because another person was involved, or those ugly whip marks that stripper left *again*. Think about it before you have to clean up the mess or just sweep it under the rug of life.

Sure, there's only so hard I can come down on people who aren't in serious, monogamous relationships when they have surprise children. Yeah, I only knew Natha's dad for about a month when I got knocked up - but the important distinction is whether you shape up and fly right when the fruit of your 15 minute tryst (if you're lucky) comes poppin' out. You can't continue to act the same way when you're now responsible for another person because they can't yet take care of themselves. Not to mention those people who continue to breed with the same cycle - smooth talking boy, 'love', and accidental child. Rinse off your ego and repeat.

Marriage doesn't make it ok or acceptable - you can have quickie marriages and painful divorces the progeny of which are hurt each time as well. People just need to grow up - speaking overall - especially those that have children. Oh, and it's not ever too late to fix it - better late than never. Whether you stop having children, or better yet, take care of the ones you have now, too, it doesn't matter. Think about what you're doing (to someone other than yourself!)

Hey, you can't say I didn't warn you when I said I was mad before. I really do think this way most of the time - I'm just too polite, avoidant of conflict, or not riled up enough to let it out, though. Especially not in scathing english. Oh well. It's written. Unlike that email you write in the heat of the moment and subsequently stash for editing before clicking send, this is a blog entry - which means it's all fair game - except for those things specifically bashing particular people, which just isn't in good taste.

I guess I shouldn't watch Maury considering my true feelings on the matter. It's so addictive, though~ what a conundrum... ah, baby-mama-drama! I <3 u! Whoo-hoo!

So I'm home from a day full-o'-errands...

I also went to the Chinese buffet with Ed and Sean late this afternoon... I also went by school to start getting ready for teaching next week... I put quite a bit of time into preparing to teach classes - time schedules, grading pre-lab and post-lab assignments, and making sure that I have the correct supplies ready. At this point, I'd rather just do all that stuff so that I know that they're done up to my standards... Yes, I know that makes it more difficult for me. I don't care what's difficult, though, I care about what's done right. I'm also finding out what I have to do to get teacher licensure and conversely what I need to do to get a Master's degree in Education, then looking at the requirements and seeing which one is the best for the time needed. I've got a meeting tomorrow morning, so I'll know then whether I need to take education classes this summer or whether the classes I need to take are only offered during the year...

Ed's having someone take him back here - I dropped him off so he could work after we ate the Chinese food, then came back here. It's nice I don't have to go out - I've gotten really tired here in the last hour, and I'm thinking about taking a nap... Who knows if I'll get that done...

Natha's up at my parents' house in Kentucky this week - he went up there monday night, when my sister & co. drove through Nashvegas on their way back to Kentucky. My stepdad had cataract surgery on tuesday, so he's off work all week, and my grandparents are there now too. So there has been lots of sleeping naked and eating ice cream (though not simultaneously most of the time) and all kinds of other things that are best done (and appropriate) when there aren't any kids around.

I have to say that I bought, today, two of the funniest T-shirts I've ever seen - I found them on www.bustedtees.com - I got the Oregon Trail t-shirt and the 'Greece' one. I like to wear them when I teach, partially to show people that I know about things other than biology and partially to draw the students' attention in my direction... Plus, they're comfortable and funny.

Ed's going to spend a bit of time with me before he's working for the rest of the night - we'll probably just watch TV for a bit - don't want to do much else. I'll probably go back to organizing things when he's working... I've also got an office to 'arrange' upstairs... but who knows when that'll get done. Especially when there's VH1 to watch! Yeah!

Ah, he's coming up here now - I suppose I should pay *some* attention to him... ;)

So I know it seems like I've forgotten about you all...

...but I haven't. I should be writing more later... I hope. :)