So I followed this link from my friend Erin's site...

(her site being intentionalism.com) and here are the results:

I am worth $2,116,276.00 on HumanForSale.com

Ha! What fun! I wonder what Ed's worth! He's spanish, which automatically raises his value, I'm sure!!!

I got a bunch of stuff sorted through for moving today in a very short span - about 3 hours. I kept thinking, 'This will make someone else really happy' whenever I was aobut to save something I shouldn't. Note that I'm taking this stuff to the Salvation Army, I think. If anyone has a a better charity they'd prefer that has a location in Nashville where I can drop off a *bunch* of stuff, let me know and I'll take it there instead... It's a bunch of kid's clothes, my clothes, toys, and some semi-collectible stuff...

I know this may sound a bit vulgar (for me) but Ed and I had a *really* good time this weekend with the adult activities since Natha wasn't here. With stuff going on lately and getting ready to move, we've been so tired that we hadn't had the 'when you first start dating' kind of interaction in a while... I had kind of forgot that we could do stuff like that... and that he's a rock star in that area... *nudge nudge wink wink* (Honey, I'll take out this paragraph if you object... just let me know, dear)

I've got to go to bed... I was up late last night since Sean, David, and some other dude & I went out downtown. I remembered why I don't go out every friday, and I'm completely happy staying home for the next month or so, at least... 'Ick' is all I can say about the experience (not because of the company, though, because of the atmosphere ;))

Another busy week commences tomorrow morning... We'll see how the organic chemistry test goes... I'm studying tomorrow afternoon since I *don't* have class...

I want to get a copy of Hamster Huey & the Gooey Kablooie... I wonder if anyone has got one to sell... :)

So I realize that my rant before was incomprehensible...

just goes to show what happens when you try too hard to remain ambiguous - it doesn't work the way you want it to...

I'm referring to one of the people at school who is in charge of one of the labs I teach. She said something all of a sudden today about a midterm that I'm supposed to give, when I thought, according to the syllabus, we didn't have lab because of the midterm *lecture* exam. Turns out I should have not cancelled class and I should be giving a midterm. Oops. It's not my fault, though - none of my other labs have midterms. I just don't know what to do now...

On the way to take Natha to his grandparents, he asked me, 'When I am big like you, can I work at McDonald's?' To which I replied that he could be whatever he wanted. He then told me he wanted to be 'a cooker at McDonalds, and to give the kids the drink and toy, and their fries.' I told him he can be whatever he wants to be - I think it's good to have dreams. :)

I'm tired - I think I'm about to go to bed for the night... I've been up *way* too long...

Ed & Sean are playing Warioware Mega Party... I've gotten to where I can have it on in the background, and as long as they're playing the othello-like game, I'm ok with it. It's better than MarioKart, honestly. Now that I've got this blog, I have something to do without getting up and doing something around the house.

I realized today why I micromanage things so much - Ed's been in charge of multi-million dollar projects, but I tell him how to open a juice box... Until Erin then Ed came along, all of the people I was around in my personal life needed *everything* spelled out for them with all details present the first time, then I still had to hope it would get done satisfactorily. Every detail I left out was one more thing they would improvise incorrectly. Some because they're under the age of 5, and some because they're semi-terminal flibbertygibbits. Now that the people in my life have a good sense of personal responsibility about themselves, I don't have to give all the details up front - they're smart enough to get it done and it be right the first time regardless of what I say. Which is refreshing, I just am not used to it... So I'm sorry for your suffering, you two. I'm getting better slowly... Especially you, Ed, who has to deal with it the most...

Ah, time for lots of studying and sorting through house stuff (tomorrow). The only thing I have to get done in the house is Natha's toys. He's already into the Pokemon cards big-time, so he doesn't play with all the tchotchke-esque pieces of plastic he's amassed during our multiple trips to the various fast-food chains made desirable by myriad no-good influences. He shouldn't even notice they're gone, honestly - it'll just look like his room became cleaner. :)

I'm going to bed, leaving Ed & Sean to their game - Ed's got one of those really nice space-beds (no relation to space bags) with the memory foam mattress. We've decided it's *too* comfortable to get out of in the morning. Hopefully once we're living together that will change - we can lay about in smaller chunks instead of 2 hours every sunday morning... Hopefully...

G'night, dears.

So I'm officially freaked out now...

imagine the following situation: someone tells you to do something at the same time on the same day once a week and tells to to give them back whatever results you see fit at the end of three months. They give you a schedule that amounts to a list of two tasks each week, then there are some weeks where nothing's listed, or it's quite ambiguous. When you go and ask about the ambiguous ones, you don't get much of an answer. Say a couple of people are supposed to do the task with you, and you're their leader. When you're telling them that there doesn't seem to be anything on the schedule for the next week, it occurs to you that you shouldn't have to meet, so you tell them not to come in because you've caught up on everything. Three days after that, the person who wants the results at the end tells you that you should a)should be doing something that week and b)it's important and time-dependent. They haven't said a word up until now, and you weren't told about this at the beginning, so what should you do? I really don't know, and it's hyper-freaking me out. I don't even have time to tell everyone to come in before when I'm supposed to give them something. Do I say something to the person who wants the results, or keep it to myself? If I try and make it up at a later date, what do I do on that day for the other things I'm supposed to do? I'm hoping she's not going to ask me to give half-way through results, but if she does, should I use the results I already have and not even do what she's giving me? AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

On to other not-as-stressful things. The biology seminar today was about this guy who raises albino snails, then does tests on their neurons to see what happens to the neurons when the snails are eating, regurgitating, and laying their eggs. They do this by either giving them watermelon juice, listerine, or beer, and using a little tiny electrode to measure the nerve impulses. And I thought *I* was random!

I'm about to give a presentation on a famous, nobel-prize-winning paper from 1961, and I'm trying to not let what just happened effect me. I've got to just calm down, I know, but that's hard to do. I'm the one who always gets everything right, the first time (most of the time) and now I look like an idiot now that someone's told me something after-the-fact. I know that when it comes down to it, I won't get in trouble, since it's really not my fault, but it's a possible erased-blemish-that-still-leaves-a-mark when people think of me, and I don't like that one bit.

Natha's going back to the grandparents for the weekend - I've got quite a bit to do, going through all the crap I've accumulated over the past 26 years. I've also got homework out the wazoo. Plus I've got my first day of research toward my thesis on tuesday, and it'll be a *long* but very interesting day. I've got the 50-odd studies I've collected and read narrowed down to 6 that will really pertain to what I'm doing. I'll be better next wednesday night, though. I hope, at least, I will be.

On a positive note, I've been unleashed of the frustrating chains that were organic chemistry lab - I've been allowed to drop the lab (I'm still in the class). It was frustrating me quite a bit, and a cost-benefit analysis proved to me that it wasn't worth the time, so I sought permission to break free. So now I've got one more night to work on all the other stuff. I'll still have Natha, but he won't have to be shuttled to and fro wednesday night.

Might I also add, I'm *absolutely* ecstatic that I've got such a wonderful guy in my life. He has so bravely challenged his notions of what attached life and fatherhood can be and won, in my opinion. I've been able to do so much more stuff, and I'm a much more pleasant person now that he's around to share the load. I love the idea of waking up next to my sugar-lumpkin every morning, and going to sleep next to you every night for n nights, where n= (an indefinite number, but it's really big.) (they're the same person, dear, and that's you!) It's also nice to know that Natha's on his way to having two dads, and not in that 'we have a special family that isn't recognized by the state, but we love each other very much' way, either. (I also want to say that if Tennessee makes it illegal for a gay/lesbian couple to adopt one another's children, I'll probably have to leave the state. Details at 11.)

Time to go present the paper - and it's an interesting one. Check out the details at http://nobelprize.org/medicine/laureates/1965/

Hopefully I'll get to write more later, but if not, my brain has oozed out my ears, and analysis of it would reveal lots of words like 'olfactory epithelium', 'in-situ hybridization', 'operon', and 'B-galactosidase' which means you're not going to get anything until tomorrow afternoon. So there. Thbbbbbt! (that's a raspberry, for those who don't know Calvin-speak)

*Ack face*!

So I've officially converted the midget into a fan of They Might Be Giants...

we listened to Constantinople three times on the way to his school (re: daycare) this morning. He calls it the Hamster song, because one of the lines is, "Even old New York was once New Amsterdam." He also enjoys Particle Man, the line, "When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead? Nobody knows, particle man." He giggles every time we listen to it... At least he's interesting to cancel out his other *endearing* cuteness...

It's also Kazu's birthday today... For those of you who don't know who he is, that's Natha's dad. Natha's the baby & Kazu is the baby's daddy, or as I prefer to say, babydaddy. The "Babydaddy" song by Trick Daddy is one of my favorite songs still... Anyways, He's *30* today. He's the first one of my friends I've known when they've turned 30... I'll find out later today how he's taking it. ;)

When I was in Key West I stumbled across this really cool art 'gallery'... http://purplebabydaddies.com/ which has art that's right up my alley (brightly colored and busy to the point of making your eyes hurt). I talked to the woman who was part-owner, and asked her where the name came from. Believe it or not, she said that her husband had made up the name 'babydaddies' back in the early 90's... I then told her what it meant in other cultures, that it's the name you call the father of your child when he's not your husband or even your boyfriend. At least not anymore. It gets too long to say, 'the father of my love child', or even 'my ex-boyfriend with whom I have a kid'. So, we use the name 'babydaddy'. Ah, ebonics at work!

I should be working on something now other than this blog, but oh well. If I don't write in it now, I'll probably not get to write in it later, so better early than never. I actually wrote this activity as a task in my planner today. Lots of times I write things down that I know I won't forget to do just so that I get to cross one more thing out and feel *that* much more productive. I think that since norepinephrine is related to attention and organization in the brain, I probably have a higher level than most people... Which might relate to my tendency to run a little low on the serotonin and be sensitive to changes in it. When I don't have things to do, I don't have things to organize. When I don't have things to organize, I might run a little lower on the norepinephrine, which may make my level or serotonin drop too... Oh well. Enough of the random musings on my personal brain chemistry... Hopefully I'll get to write more tonight, but if not, well, you'll just have to antici...........pate my next outburst. (which would be tomorrow)

Laterz...

So I've just finished a take home quiz...

and boy, I'm glad to be in graduate school. This isn't a mockery of some kind - I really am *ecstatic* to be at a level where every question is in an essay form, the only things they make you memorize can be drawn out on a sheet of paper as a graphic, and most of the tests/quizzes are take-home. No more are the annoying multiple-choice questions that could go either way and I think are actually conceived with annoying the smarter-than-average undergraduates in mind just because the professor gets off on putting them 'back in their place'...

Here's an excerpt of the quiz I finished - one of the questions:

3. How would you localize a promoter using a lacZ fusion? How would you use such a fusion to clone a repressor gene?

As lacZ is a gene which codes for β-galactosidase, by measuring the amount of β-galactosidase present in a system one can deduce that the lacZ gene has been transcribed and translated. To use the lacZ gene to localize a promoter, you could do one of two main things. Firstly, you could take the part of the DNA you think may be a promoter, insert (fuse) the lacZ gene directly downstream, then measure the amount of β-galactosidase produced in the bacteria. If that amount has increased, you have localized a promoter. It is important to note that the lacZ gene does not initiate transcription itself, it requires a promoter for the RNA polymerase to bind to begin transcribing, therefore the presence of β-galactosidase implies the presence of a promoter directly upstream. Secondly, you could fuse lacZ downstream of the proposed promoter, make sure you have increased amounts of β-galactosidase, and then induce mutations/knockouts in the sequence you think is a promoter. If the amount of β-galactosidase is down-regulated, then the sequence is a promoter in that region. If you wanted to use a lacZ fusion to clone or identify a repressor gene, you would fuse the lacZ to directly downstream of the promoter, introduce one possible repressor at a time, then measure the amount of β-galactosidase present. If the amount is unchanged from the control condition (no repressor) then the substance is not a repressor for that promoter. If β-galactosidase is down-regulated, however, then you have most likely isolated the repressor sequence for that promoter. Additionally, if you induce a mutation in or knock out the gene for the previously identified repressor and the amount of β-galactosidase is up-regulated again, you have further evidence that you have isolated a repressor for the promoter in question.

*whew* I really did like answering this question, though. I get to present the original paper that discovered this mechanism back in the 1960's on friday, so I'd better know what I'm talking about... that and I was smart and copied and pasted B-galactosidase every time so that I didn't have to go up to symbol and pick it in Word each time. I know, I'm sooo Hermione. But I like it and I think it suits me well... :)

Like Ed says, I've really found my thing, and bless me for being as interested in it as I am. :)

My thesis quest has also started making more sense. Just earlier today I was wondering how I'd ever figure out how to do an experiment based on the 50-some-odd studies I'd found and had to go through. Once I eliminated all but about 8 as being impertinent in one way or another, it got kind of easy. I get to go back to the biomed library at vanderbilt thursday and hang out in the stacks for a while again... I think I might just study there from now on, when I can - it reminds me of how much I'd like to go to vanderbilt for a Ph.D. and therefore I study harder and try to find everything I can to make my thesis publishable. That's what will get me into a Ph.D. program, not my endearing personality and awesome teaching ideas (unfortunately)...

Erin, you kept bugging me to post again, so here it is... *post*... I think that you & Ed are the only two people who read this (and maybe Melissa Sandefur+child on occasion) - so if there's anyone out there who wants to admit to reading my weirdness-on-parade, just leave me a comment. If not, no harm done. I'm not here for anyone's entertainment or even feedback, really. Those who know me best know that I'm *way* too amused with myself - which is exactly how I feel about this blog... :)

Time to go try and read Scientific American before I fall asleep... we'll see how that goes.

Oh, and also, the seminar last friday wasn't as easy-to-describe as the previous two. A professor from Meharry came over and was talking about the relationship between heart disease and insulin resistance (diabetes) on the endocrine level, with all the names of the hormones invloved & stuff. The most interesting part was when she talked about the body's way of regulating blood pressure - the pathway by which it does that is complicated but intriguing. For an example of how the hour went, the title of her presentation is, 'Angiotensin II inhibits insulin signaling in vascular smooth muscle cells' - which is a fancy way of saying that high blood pressure contributes to diabetes. :)

We'll see what transpires this friday... Until then... *sigh*

So I've retrieved the reluctant kid from his grandparents...

but he'll go back again next week in preparation for moving... Natha's watching Little Shop of Horrors at the moment, at his request. I wish we could have taken him when it was at TPAC - he doesn't know that these things called movies sometimes come from things that people perform *live*...

I got stuck in traffic friday night taking him up there, for almost 2 hours... I made semi-friends with a trucker who was previously retired and said he'd do one run a week on the weekends, from Nashville to Saginaw, and of course he gets stuck in traffic then... He told me what was going on, so I had some idea... You never know when you'll meet interesting people, you just have to be open to meeting them. Unfortunately a lot of the mind-expanding people are borderline unsafe to have too much communication with, especially here in Nashville... although on thursday afternoon I was in the parking lot of Burger King on Charlotte and a homeless guy came up to my window and asked if he could wash my windshield, to which I told him that he could, but all the money I had was the money in my car, which was 90% pennies. So while he washed the windshield with the scrap of paper towel he got from a restroom somewhere, I got together all the coins I had in my car to hand to him - and it took a couple minutes to get them all out. When I handed them to him, it took two of his hands to hold them all - and it was probably less than $3.00, all in small coins, but he tried to catch every one of them, and even used his other hand to keep from spilling the pennies. I almost asked him if he was hungry and I would have taken him inside Burger King and sat down to a meal with him, in a Mr. Wendal sort of way. The reason I didn't was that I had told him that all the money I had was in my car, and I would have looked dishonest to then pull out a $10 to pay for lunch. If they would have taken credit cards, I would have done that. Most people just give them money to go away, or at most buy them some food and walk away, maybe with some little bible verse or speech on the importance of Jesus. I wish I could have assessed him quicker before I said that to him... I would have liked to share a meal with him. He wasn't at all intrusive, he actually waited for me to finish talking to Erin before he even walked up to me. I've honestly seen quite a few sketchy beggars in that area, which makes me feel apprehensive about anyone who walks up to my car... If he had been in East Nashville, I would have bought lunch. Most people look at homeless people as less-than-persons who obviously made some bad choices in some bad circumstances which demotes them to a different status from the rest of us 'productive' members of society. I acknowledge that there are obviously places they turned down the wrong path, but I'd like to hear what they have to say. Nothing makes people feel better than to be acknowledged as a real person and to be listened to - listening=validation - and if that can possibly bring someone up from the depths of bad decisions, I'm going to listen to them. Not to mention the tidbits they impart to me, if only a reminder of how they used to be like me until _______ happened a couple years ago. Some of my fondest memories of my trip to Key West are of talking to/having dinner with one of 'the kids', as we called them. DeNardo was sitting outside the Wendy's eating what he had bought - he didn't even feel as if he was allowed to sit inside, even though he had bought his meal like everyone else. I was going to read 'The Professor and the Madman' during dinner, but saw him and invited him to join me, like I had run into a friend at the cafeteria and shared a table, buying him a Sprite. Those were the most interesting people I met the whole time, excepting the street magician, Tweedy. Those street magicians make a *lot* of money, even though they look scruffy... Long story shortened, I wish there weren't as many scary looking beggars that make me have to curtail my desire to learn something from them for the sake of my personal safety... All people are someone's son or daughter, someone's sister or brother, even someone's mother or father. They have feelings, and want to be acknowledged. That makes them human. I wish everyone treated them in a way that reminded them of what they *really* are, despite appearances. Oh, and I don't have to see them as an embodiment of some higher power to pay attention to them, I want to see them as a person, not some manifestation of religion's ideas on how you sould help those less fortunate...

Ed's going to be over here in a little bit - I went to the Cedars of Lebanon with my poker buddies last night, so I was away for a while and haven't seen him as much as usual... I missed him last night - almost drove back in the middle of the night so I could sleep next to him... Kelly talked me out of it, though. I was tired, and that wouldn't have been the safest decision.

I've got to start working on study aids (re: posters & flashcards) for Organic Chemistry - I have a test next week. I'll work on that while Ed's finishing whatever important document needs his attention because he promised. :)

Later...

So I've got some time before I go to another class...

and I didn't write last night, so I thought you all deserved something this morning, at least a bit of my sesquipedalian rantings, a smidge, a dot. (or two)

We all (Erin, Ed, Natha and I) had barbecue brought by the hunter of the group, Ed, who staked out a barbecue place, retrieved some darn good barbecue for a low price, and got some of that there energy knowledge at the same time. Man you're going to feel dumb if that guy really *does* have it all figured out. :)

There are some things that you are good at that you don't understand how others don't get it/have such a hard time. Some people have more of these talents than others, and some qualify as special/weird talents. Ed's a computer genius in every aspect of the word and comes up with solutions to complex problems with the greatest of ease (not to mention all the manly duties at which he excels, like protection and taking the trash out.) Erin finds things that are lost and can organize even the largest clusterfuck of a mess (and she's done it several times at work, as fortunately/unfortunately as that is for them/her). Natha's *really* good at looking cute and coming up with funny thoughts/ideas on the world, not to mention a physical sense of balance and proprioception that I'm sure has kept him from stitches/broken bones many a time. I'm a lab ninja and can understand the most complicated (re: acronym-ish and obscure) of concepts with little practice (like genetics). I don't understand why it's so hard for other people that are supposedly smart (I do understand why those of slightly-below average intelligence don't get it - I'm wondering about those above a benjamin of IQ points). I guess that's why I'm with Ed. We looked at each other one day and realized that we were each one person very different from a large, large number of other people when it comes to specific skills, and that not everyone is equal in abilities and desires. I hadn't ever met someone else who felt so strongly about their relative place in the world and had the ability to back it up to the nth degree. I think that's when I decided that he was going to be the one for me. We can't help it if everyone else can't keep up, and at least we now have each other. It makes our own personal arguments that much more convincing - it's not only in our brains. :)

Well, time to go hear the weekly speaker on some interesting aspect of biology... I found out two weeks ago that dental caries are caused by a contagious bacteria that 95% of the population just happens to have, and then last week that the cardiac arteries don't originate in the aorta and branch down - they start on the tip of the liver and expand into the cardiac muscle and form arteries from there. I'll let you know later what I find out today...

TTFN!

So today's a very special day...

as it's Erin's birthday. She took a personal day from work today, so I know she can do what it is she needs/wants to do, which is one of the best presents one can have on a birthday... Since I don't know if she wants me to tell, I won't say how old she is. ;)

More on this and other thingies later, dude.

So I've got some *really* important information for you all...

before I go to sleep, since I'm exhausted:

a school of fish
a cloud of grasshoppers
a sloth of bears
a business of ferretts
a troop of monkeys
a plague of locusts
a bloat of hippos
an army of caterpillars
a crash of rhinos
a stand of flamingos
a murder of crows
a gaggle of geese
a string of ponies
a skulk of foxes
an ostentation of peacocks
a knot of toads
a trip of goats
a rafter of turkeys
a husk of hares
a paddling of ducks
a game of whales
a drift of hogs
a smack of jellyfish
a clowder of cats

have fun with those!
(either the peacocks or toads are my favorites...)

As Ed would say in a proper 'Suthun' voice, 'My stars! Pardon me, but I must now bid you adieu.'

:)

So I've got a quick clarification to make...

on behalf of my honey-dumplin' - he doesn't actually do coke, unless you count the diet soda kind. :)

So there are many 'interesting' events transpiring...

with my family lately, after a pretty long 'uneventful' spell. What I'd call typical family drama, disappointment, and even happiness. Just that my family hasn't ever been typical - with my family being relatively small (especially compared to Ed's!) there's not as many people to do typical family things like get married, have children, have surgery, etc. So when one of those things happens, it's a bigger deal. Lately there's just been more 'big deal for my family' things. Hopefully things will work out ok in the end and everything will be back to uneventful.

Which brings up a somewhat depressing but all-the-more-important topic of people dying. I've come to grips that one day my cat will one day no longer exist, and she'll go out of my life the same way as she came in - somewhat unexpected but very 'there'. I can't say I've said the same thing about people in my family. Come to think of it, not a single one of my close-but-extended family members has died in the last 15 years, which is about the range I can remember. Since I've been born, the only ones that have passed on have been aunts & uncles on my dad's side, people with whom I wasn't very familiar anyways. I can say I've been lucky to have all my grandparents at this point - the only one I can say I've lost was my stepdad's father, but that was after I'd met him twice, and I was about 13. Even though I barely knew him it upset me a great deal - I'm sure my mom & stepdad were even surprised I was as emotional as I was. Back then (and I still am, really) I was the girl that you didn't see the negative emotions out of - any anger, resentment, sadness, or even critique I had I kept to myself. I've since reformed my ways for the sake of mental health & clarity of thought, not to mention honesty with myself. I think that the reason that I was as torn up at that funeral was that it was the first time 'it' made me look at something I ignored the rest of the time. Not a big deal, I can hear you say - people ignore things all the time. I ignore things in a different way than your average bear, though. It's not a 'coping' mechanism or typical ignorance on my part, I just don't think about it. I don't try to not think about it or purposefully put it out of my mind, it just doesn't occur to me in the most natural yet informed ignorance possible. I have a probability that the negative life event is there and most likely in a particular time orbital, I just know that the more I try and pin it down the more I change the system as a whole, so I don't even try. I'm simultaneously thinking and not thinking about it - maybe I need to hook it up to some cat-in-a-box apparatus.

I keep in my mind at all times that everyone is inherently good and that things will continue on their current path to a point of perfection until someone makes a bad decision and throws things off. In my universe, the ultimate point is perfection in a very natural, easy, uncontrived way, and the unverse tends toward that state until acted upon by mortals who think they know better than the natural order of things. I think it's the ultimate source of my perkiness and love of bright colors, truthfully. Even though I have my demons the same as everyone else, I don't fight mine. They're just not there in my mind until they're blaringly obvious, then I pay proper attention to them and they go away either permanently or until they feel they've been ignored and they think 'Hey, we can catch her off guard - she's not paying attention!' The ones that get me in trouble are the ones I don't deal with in due time - they politely pester me to death, and I try artificial means of appeasement to the nth degree to no avail, *then* I realize what the problem has been all along. It also makes one an honest person who can't lie, obscure, or manipulate her way out of a paper bag. Though I'd rather have it my way than be able to sell cars or make it in the corporate world. I'm much more likely to carry good karma, though, which is how I prefer it. Organization is the bliss on the way to the perfection, at least for me. I just didn't find it until about a year ago.

Let's hope the nature of my universe doesn't find something major to rear its ugly head too soon. I need to do some more background thinking about it first, please. You can't say I didn't ask.

Ed did well on his test today - I always like it when people receive the fruits of their labors when it comes to studying and putting forth true academic effort, chanting 'Terminal procrastination be damned!'

I think the closest thing in my brain to an adrenaline rush is the feeling of being thoroughly prepared for any question proposed by the professor at any point during class, test, discussion, or otherwise. Is it the rush that makes me Hermione or the Hermione-ness that gives me the rush?? Other than that, I'm a serotonin junkie, plain & simple. I also don't want to be cured. Ever. Nor do I want my love of oxytocin to go anywhere - see, I am weird - I even have my favorite hormones!

Oh, Ed and I asked Natha the other day during breakfast the other morning 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?'. He was trying to cute his way out of it, then just got caught in an infinite loop. I love giving grown-up serious questions to kids in such a casual context that you never know what they're going to answer, but it's going to be interesting. That and the things I've had to tell the kid at some point in time that you'd never think you'd have to say to anyone, like, 'Natha, that's what happens when you put a shovel down your pants! Things get hurt!' and 'No, Natha, cats don't like marshmallows.'

Time for beddie-bye. Going to call the 'ol man (he's sooo much older! I can't believe it! 4 whole months! I hope it doesn't cause problems in our relationship!) and see what he's up to. Hopefully he's not doing coke off that 19-year-old again. I'll have to shove three more of the 'Somebody loves Eduardo' neon smiley face pencils up his nose. ;)

So I'm back, after a toiling day at the graduate school...

I guess I should change the title of the blog back to 'Yes, I know I'm weird...' since I officially love organic chemistry. We finally started that today after reviewing for the last few weeks. I also had an interesting day teaching - I had these two girls who knew they were trying to pull a fast one on the quiz that I gave the other day by both writing the exact same answers to the short-answer quiz, then they look completely surprised when I told them they got a 10%. I wouldn't tell them why until they come speak to me at office hours tomorrow - I wasn't going to discuss such things in front of everyone else, it's not ladylike. I forgot to tell this class that I used to be a private investigator as a way to make them straighten up & fly right like I did to my students last semester... Like taking care of highly self-important clients with no resources to produce an ethereal product makes me able to detect who's cheating & who's not, but like they know better. It just sounds scary and like something not to tempt the fates with.

Ed & I got some chinese food for dinner & watched the Daily show. He keeps saying that 'this isn't very romantic' and stuff like that, but I keep replying that it's the other 364.25 days I'm more concerned with. If he wasn't fulfilling the romance quotient the rest of the time & trying to make up for it one particular day when the rest of them there minions feel it's flowers=redemption day I'd have a problem with it. Since he passes inspection with flying colors plus a bag of oreos, I don't feel he needs to go to extraneous measure this *one* day out of the year. Little things every couple days are enough for me. I'm not greedy - I just prefer the sweetness installment plan instead of the lump-sum of lovey-dovey most people expect. I've always put different value on things than most people - I get more romance out of his support when I'm disciplining my child than a bucketful of flowers handed to me in a pretty vase. Anyone can buy flowers, but not everyone's there when you finally decide to give your child a spanking that hurts because he's semi-heathen-ish, a smart aleck, and it's long overdue. I appreciate the flowers, honey, I do. Don't get me wrong. I just find a lot of romance in a lot of little things, and the rules aren't like everyone else's. I'm just skewed like that.

I forget that I used to be a jock sometimes. Back when I was still into pretty boys (aka those who only have looks going for them) I was still around a lot of jocks, so I had that reminder there of what I used to be. Now that I'm a full-time nerd, I don't have that reminder. Instead of being the nerdy jock, I'm the nerd with a jockness remainder. Like when I throw things up in the air and catch them in my mouth. Ed, I know you think I'm not very good at it, but I'd like to see you try! Erin, I still want to do the pudding thing - time's a wastin', though, since we're moving soon...

Contents of Leigh's purse at this exact moment:
Mini spray bottle of Cucumber Melon body spray
Two packages of spanish kleenex (which works much better than the American version)
Moleskine journal with the last few pages turned into a nonsensical story by Natha
14 Sudafed Non-Drying sinus medicine in blister packaging
'Tanzanite by Hakimi' perfume (came with the earrings)
Semi-complete pack of Top Trumps Dinosaur cards
pack of spearmint gum with only 2 pieces left
my wallet, with $7, a checkbook, and random id cards in it (Look Ma, no credit cards!)
4 pack of gillette mach3 turbo razor blades (bought the wrong kind, need to take them back)
Blistex Silk & Shine lip balm
Ticket stub for the IMAX 'Aliens of the Deep' movie (Natha and I went a few weeks ago)
Mini bottle of Kroger brand naproxen sodium
cell phone
package of band-aids from the red cross (couldn't donate the other day, iron was too low)
one pilot g2 blue pen
my dad's business card
one pentel rsvp black pen (my favorite's an RSVP with green ink)
anti-bacterial 'just-for-kids' hand foam in 'bananarama ding-dong' flavor
student health insurance card i printed from the internet
L'oreal volume perfect lipstick in color 730 (bright red & sparkly)
small stack of pokemon cards wrapped up in a rubber band
St. Ives intensive healing lotion i bought for the sole purpose of putting on the bottom of my nose when I had the plague
one nickel, 5 pennies
one opened/consumed two-pack of sudafed medicine (had a cold last week)
7 gum wrappers with no gum, one with previously chewed gum in it
four OB tampons
one outside wrapper for a stick of gum
one page full of scribbles & letters in 3 different kinds of ink by Natha, folded into a little wad
one page of drawings & letters on the back of an ad form for the Vanderbilt Hustler
one page of drawings & letters on the front & back of a fax activity/failure list, folded & secured with a rubber band

See, doesn't that make sense? :)

Time to go snuggle with some guy again. Oh, he doesn't like it when I call him that. Ok, Robert, I'll call you your full name from now on. Sheesh!
(no really, it's my snuggle-lumpkin of a nighttime heater, Ed.) Nighty-night!

So I've got a lot to address today but little time to do it...

Isn't that just how life goes? We could all say that every morning and it's just as true for each person. Ah, the subjective nature of the subjective...

I've been thinking about how my best friend (Erin) and Ed think it's such a travesty that I listen to, enjoy, and sample from pop music for their compilation CDs. I hope to dispel the notion that I 'just don't know better' and explain where this love actually originates. See, most of the people that listen to pop music are 'Everyday People', whatever that means, and their music changes like 'Dust in the wind' according to whims of the 'Popular' kids and talks about lofy goals, concepts, and ideas that only those 'Fortunate Son's can understand and obtain but the rest of the peons are left to just listen about it on American Top 40 and 'Dream On', saying 'I'm going to be somebody'. While those indie people who prefer their Lightning 100 on the rocks, the edge (or Bono), where it's all a circle, man, look at the pop music world as an embodiment of all the trends, fashion disasters, heck, The Man in general and shun it for their own music that just speaks to the chosen few who are *really* cool, not just the poseurs on Vh1 2 years from now. From how I see it, I'm one of the lucky ones who has a life that *can* be described by all the music of the masses (in most cases) that talks about the good things one should try and attain - an interesting view on life, resilency, a good man/love of one's dreams, etc. The indie stuff, while good for expressing one's oddball nature and independence from The Man especially while sampling other mind-enhancing substances, very seldom speaks to me in a way that can be comprehended at a normal volume as a poem set to music to convey my joy, relief, and overall thankfulness that I've got the life that I do mainly because I said one day, 'I want it all' but fortunately didn't add the 'and I want it now'. It's also much easier to find the CD's in online music stores and locate it, in general. What one must remember is that I'm not advocating that all music must be pop in nature and there's no other way. There's a lot of crap out there, pop, indie, and otherwise. I love 'Tennessee' as much now as when it was atop the charts, as I do things like Milli Vanilli and other things of that sort. The good stuff stays good, regardless of whether the video's been retired & replaced on MTV, to be laughed at on some 'I love the 90's' compilation down the line. Just because you subscribe to the music itself doesn't mean you become 'one of those people' - you're who you are if that's who you really want to be. Unfortunately not many people are happy with who they really are, so they impersonate others who they think are better, prettier, or happier than they are. People just stick with something to look cool, informed, 'with it', or otherwise blessed by the masses instead of just doing what comes in their brain. Oh, and not that I'm omniscient about music and have nothing good yet to explore - nothing could be further from the truth - part of being who you really are at all times is being willing to trash it all at a moment's notice because you think you could be doing better and want to improve. Keep the good stuff and try again on the rest. See, that's all it takes to be a good person! :) Oh, and as a 'Shout' out to all my homeys - Thank you falletin' me be mice elf - again. Oh, and it's only a guilty pleasure if you feel guilty. Otherwise it's just a pleasure.

Ed's supposedly sent me something that's to be delivered today - I looked earlier and it's not there yet. I'm about to go to class (Organic Chemistry) then come back here to hang out with the man who makes me say 'I adore Mi Amour' over and over again. Here's a shout out for you by Lauryn Hill (No, he's not Killing Me Softly) - 'My love for you is like a song I replay every 3 minutes & 30 seconds of every day - and every chorus was written for us to recite, a beautiful melody of devotion every night.'

TTFN!

So now I'm really mad. But I deserve it...

I didn't save periodically like Ed told me I should, then my computer became persnickety and wouldn't publish what I just spent the last 30 minutes writing. I'm going to bed, computer be damned. Oh, and it told me that I had some connection error with java.net. whatever the hell that means.

I'll give you one link to look at until next time. www.jasnh.com - the rest of my thoughts you'll unfortunately have to wait for until the next time they pop up. Who knows how long that will be... might be tomorrow, though. I can't leave an untold story, as hard as I try. I'll always go back to it... just wait & see! :)

So I've just put the kid to bed and now it's mommy time...

which means I'm back to my wonderfully random trail of consciousness I'm attempting to entice you to follow. I try to be somewhat predictable and stable when Natha's around, which is why I think I get so upset with myself when I fly off the handle with him. Tonight he needed some major correcting, which sometimes happens, but more & more it seems to happen when he comes back from his dad's house. I don't want to blame it on anything, but at this point there's a correlation. However, due to my marvelously expensive yet painfully obvious undergraduate class entitled "Principles of Experimental Design" I know that correlation does not imply causation. Good thing they set me straight on that one as well as the 'just because you believe something doesn't make it true.' I'd be in quite a quagmire if I still fell for that one, believe it or not. Thankfully it's the same class that exposed me to the story of the 'discovery' of the structure of DNA. It burns even more that when Watson wrote that book he mentions again and again what Rosalind Franklin did with the x-ray crystallography, however when you read about who received the Nobel prize, there's nary a mention of dear Rosalind. Another interesting things I heard this past week was that Pauling (as in Linus) was trying to uncover the structure as well, but he was mistakenly placing the phosphate backbone on the inside instead of the outside, but had the double-helical shape figured out. He even came up with that somewhat before Watson & Crick put together other people's pieces. Just goes to show how science works, or doesn't, in the favor of those enterprising souls who attempt it again and again, despite the burns.

Hmm. I wonder if that Crab Rangoon in my fridge is any good still. I'm finally in the mood for it.

I really do love teaching science, particularly biology. I read about these different 'help me pick the career I should be in' sites this morning in the Sunday paper (which I adore reading) and I almost want to take the tests to see if they tell me I should be doing what I'm doing. All in the name of good science, my friend, since all these tests need a good control to make sure the effects are significant. Speaking of statistical significance, check out www.jasnh.com - a great idea if I've ever heard one. Sad to say they're going to a bi-yearly publishing schedule. I'm sure that plenty of people with their masters' theses would love to publish in there... I hope I'm not among them. I think I've picked a project that will give publishable results regardless of the outcome, since people aren't doing much research in the area other than my mentor...

Well, I should be reading some chapter of some book right now, but I'd really like to have some time to read something scientific that doesn't pertain to a test I have to take later... I'm going to have to get Ed in the habit of having me read for a while before I go to sleep if he's going to be in the bed with me - we usually turn the light out at the same time and go to sleep together. When I'm by myself I usually read for almost an hour before going to bed - it makes sure I'm good and tired before I attempt to go to sleep. Otherwise I just sit there for a while and start thinking, then I have to get back up, go write something in my planner, or work out something in my brain. Sleep doesn't trump much in my brain other than reading, honestly. So if I'm tired, I go to sleep, if I'm not, I get to read for a while on something that I pick to read. Either way I win. :)

I started going through everything in my house in preparation for moving. I realized that I should give an item as much thought towards throwing it away as I did buying it. Since I tend to buy things on whims, it should make this process a lot easier. I also made a big list where I could see it - so I know what I've done, what's left to do, and what I'm going to put off until later. I can't tell myself I wasn't aware, at least, of what I was up against.

Ah, SciAm calls. Check out that site someday... www.sciam.com ... G'night, ladies and germs. (Except bacteriophages. They'll last forever, just you wait.)

So tomorrow is valentine's day...

and I'm sure that Ed can't wait for me to 'give him' his present. That isn't supposed to be some *nudge nudge wink wink* thing, really folks, but I wonder what he's got in store for me... not that it really matters since he's moving in with me in *Brentwood* but a girl doesn't want to be completely unnoticed on valentine's day, even if she insists she 'really really doesn't care'. No, that's not a hint dear, I promise. If I wanted something I'd just come out and ask for something. I really really don't care. ;)

I'm about to get da kid back from his dad- which means I'm descending into mommy-mode. That used to entail a lot more than it does now - now I just want to be ready for his presence. Before it meant all kinds of changing my mindset and preparing the house, etc. I couldn't believe that people who had kids actually still did 'single people stuff' like go out to clubs & on dates. I felt like I should stay home all the time and if I didn't I was somehow shortchanging my child. Then I realized that being away from him makes me appreciate him that much more - I want to see him when the time comes around for him to come back. As compared to living for the moment when he's not there and 'oh woe is me'ing since I have a kid with me 'all the time', I divide my time into 'Natha-centric' and 'Task-centric' times of the day/week. That way I get my time, and he gets his with his mom. It was actually once I mini-divided the time that I started not needing nearly-meditative means to get myself prepared for the re-arrival of the golden child. Sometime stuff's funny like that. I also realized that before, I was living my life like how the rest of society thought I should as a 'single mom'. Once I figured out for myself that I didn't belong in that 'category', I realized I was a mother who happened to be not dating anyone at the time, which is something society didn't have any rules professed for, therefore I got to make up the rules myself. That's the key, people - lead yourself to think you're outside the category then make up your own category for the sake of making your own rules. I know it's a lot like when you're in vim and vigor of your teens and you decide to declare your house a different country from the USA because you want to do it your way with your rules and eventually apply for foreign aid as a source of funding then you get distracted by some other bright shiny object and forget what you and your best friend had decided was 'the absolute way to go' because some cool video just came on MTV. I just feel like I'm sticking with something I decided rather than falling prey to the bright shiny object laid upon the altar of motherhood. So there, I skirted right around that logic. Ha-ha! You can't get me, society!

But now I feel like it's kicking me in the ass, this category I made. I don't fit into it anymore - I'm dating someone, a fabulous, stay together indefinitely someone. Which puts me in the category of 'the mom, stepdad, and kid who visits his father still' - which I despise that category. So, it's time to make up some new rules, and declare the house in brentwood our own country so we can do it our way. Too bad we can't get foreign aid... Oh well... When I figure out the category we're in (note the we) I'll be sure to let you know. I'm sure I can get around this one, too!!

And yes, I know I'm semi-deluded, but I'm highly functional & productive, somewhat interesting, and a good all-around person, so that's ok. At least I think so. Which we all know is what counts. :)

So I've got to dye my hair again tomorrow...

Red, of course. I've been red for a while now, since last september. I think it suits me. Everyone thought I was nuts when I first did that - I was previously blonde... Oh, and I'm not going to link to anything quite yet - I'm not up to learning enough HTML to mess with that. I've got cAMP and bacteriophages on the brain after finishing the quiz for one of my classes. So, you can go see my sweetie's blog at arino.com and my best friend's blog/website at www.minxhaven.com if you'd like. I'm sure they don't mention me much, but oh well - they can't say I don't mention them.

So I'm about to move from east Nashville to Brentwood - if you're familiar with Nashville, you'll understand the change I'm heading toward. I'll be moving mostly during my spring break, so that helps, but I'm still hyper-busy this semester. That's good because I'm trying to change little things about myself slowly, to make myself a better person. I'm all about the personal growth, or at least I'm trying to be. The most recent thing I've given up is credit cards and buying things I don't need - I'm all cash-based now, which is a good feeling. This started back a while ago, almost 2 years ago - I started trying not to bounce checks and making note of every single thing I bought - then I became a devotee of Suze Orman. She has a show on MSNBC on weekends, and her website www.suzeorman.com - I also became an inductee, they'd say, into the cult of organization that is Franklin Covey. You can check out that system at www.franklincovey.com - I'm lost without that planner. People wonder how I keep everything straight and get so much done, but I'm so calm, well... that's how. If you ever see me running around like a headless chicken, it's for one of two reasons - I've left my planner at home that day, or I've drank too much caffeine. The latter's more common than the former, though, and sometimes funnier. K, it's time for bed. I've been on the 'puter too long today, for sure. Dude; Dude! Dude? Dude...

So I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say here...

so I'll start with what will most likely be on the blog- links to my friends' more established sites/blogs, happenings in my life, and thoughts about all sorts of odd-ish things. As I'm a graduate student in biology, I'll put a lot of science-related things I find, and how the journey's going (or not...) I'm sure I'll find something to place on here tomorrow - I'm going to go mess with the settings & etc. now...

Leigh