Friday, February 25, 2005

So I'm officially freaked out now...

imagine the following situation: someone tells you to do something at the same time on the same day once a week and tells to to give them back whatever results you see fit at the end of three months. They give you a schedule that amounts to a list of two tasks each week, then there are some weeks where nothing's listed, or it's quite ambiguous. When you go and ask about the ambiguous ones, you don't get much of an answer. Say a couple of people are supposed to do the task with you, and you're their leader. When you're telling them that there doesn't seem to be anything on the schedule for the next week, it occurs to you that you shouldn't have to meet, so you tell them not to come in because you've caught up on everything. Three days after that, the person who wants the results at the end tells you that you should a)should be doing something that week and b)it's important and time-dependent. They haven't said a word up until now, and you weren't told about this at the beginning, so what should you do? I really don't know, and it's hyper-freaking me out. I don't even have time to tell everyone to come in before when I'm supposed to give them something. Do I say something to the person who wants the results, or keep it to myself? If I try and make it up at a later date, what do I do on that day for the other things I'm supposed to do? I'm hoping she's not going to ask me to give half-way through results, but if she does, should I use the results I already have and not even do what she's giving me? AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

On to other not-as-stressful things. The biology seminar today was about this guy who raises albino snails, then does tests on their neurons to see what happens to the neurons when the snails are eating, regurgitating, and laying their eggs. They do this by either giving them watermelon juice, listerine, or beer, and using a little tiny electrode to measure the nerve impulses. And I thought *I* was random!

I'm about to give a presentation on a famous, nobel-prize-winning paper from 1961, and I'm trying to not let what just happened effect me. I've got to just calm down, I know, but that's hard to do. I'm the one who always gets everything right, the first time (most of the time) and now I look like an idiot now that someone's told me something after-the-fact. I know that when it comes down to it, I won't get in trouble, since it's really not my fault, but it's a possible erased-blemish-that-still-leaves-a-mark when people think of me, and I don't like that one bit.

Natha's going back to the grandparents for the weekend - I've got quite a bit to do, going through all the crap I've accumulated over the past 26 years. I've also got homework out the wazoo. Plus I've got my first day of research toward my thesis on tuesday, and it'll be a *long* but very interesting day. I've got the 50-odd studies I've collected and read narrowed down to 6 that will really pertain to what I'm doing. I'll be better next wednesday night, though. I hope, at least, I will be.

On a positive note, I've been unleashed of the frustrating chains that were organic chemistry lab - I've been allowed to drop the lab (I'm still in the class). It was frustrating me quite a bit, and a cost-benefit analysis proved to me that it wasn't worth the time, so I sought permission to break free. So now I've got one more night to work on all the other stuff. I'll still have Natha, but he won't have to be shuttled to and fro wednesday night.

Might I also add, I'm *absolutely* ecstatic that I've got such a wonderful guy in my life. He has so bravely challenged his notions of what attached life and fatherhood can be and won, in my opinion. I've been able to do so much more stuff, and I'm a much more pleasant person now that he's around to share the load. I love the idea of waking up next to my sugar-lumpkin every morning, and going to sleep next to you every night for n nights, where n= (an indefinite number, but it's really big.) (they're the same person, dear, and that's you!) It's also nice to know that Natha's on his way to having two dads, and not in that 'we have a special family that isn't recognized by the state, but we love each other very much' way, either. (I also want to say that if Tennessee makes it illegal for a gay/lesbian couple to adopt one another's children, I'll probably have to leave the state. Details at 11.)

Time to go present the paper - and it's an interesting one. Check out the details at

Hopefully I'll get to write more later, but if not, my brain has oozed out my ears, and analysis of it would reveal lots of words like 'olfactory epithelium', 'in-situ hybridization', 'operon', and 'B-galactosidase' which means you're not going to get anything until tomorrow afternoon. So there. Thbbbbbt! (that's a raspberry, for those who don't know Calvin-speak)

*Ack face*!


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