Wednesday, September 28, 2005

So I forgot to mention some of the questions of late...

...to come out of Natha's mouth...

"What's bigger - elves or oompa loompas?"
or
"Why do cowboys marry cowgirls?"

He asked me today what Ed and I were talking about...
"Were you talking about how elephants puke?"
"No."
"Were you talking about how cats fart?"
"No."
"Oh. What were you talking about, then?"

He also informed Ed that someone-who-shall-remain-unnamed, "ate a lot of chocolate and that's why she has a big butt."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one. :)

So I'm trying not to get one...

...of these horrible stress headaches I've been picking up some days. They start about 2pm as a tightness in my temples then expand (if I'm not careful) into a horrible, can't-do-anything-but-sleep situation. Even if I do take medicine and calm/slow down, my temples still stay tight for the rest of the evening. I've never had headaches of this scope and nastiness before, especially not on a semi-regular basis. Sheesh, people. Sheesh.

So I'm taking a night 'off' from studying, although my test is tomorrow night. I'm best served at this point, I believe, by taking a night to get a lot of sleep, take a nice relaxing bath, and calm down a bit in between graduate-school-tasks. I had a presentation on Serial analysis of Gene Expression that I started working on on saturday and finished sunday night. It went well, though, I think. The Task at hand (mind you it's a Task in the way that things are Animals and not animals) is a Cell Biology test of the most highest impor-tancee. Sure, I could get a grade in with the rest of 'em, but that wouldn't be very Hermione. So, not only am I writing each essay's answer out by hand as practice (and there are 11 of them), but I'm answering each objective as it's an essay too. That's in addition to memorizing pathways and reading the first 4 chapters in two Cell Bio books. I figure if I do all that and don't get an A, it wasn't meant to be. I just want to make a high A on this test so I don't have to worry as much on the rest - to make them average out nicely if I get a low A sometime. I've just got to get to the point where I feel like I'm prepared for whatever they want to throw at me... and since I can't just go on powdered doughnuts and coffee like some people, I have to take a break on occasion. I know I'll feel better and more able to study most of the day tomorrow and still have a brain left to take the test with.

I was thinking again today about Natha and how ADHD he really is. Sucks that we can't do much officially about it yet for a few important reasons, but he really is. It's one of those things you just for some reason didn't think of as an explanation for a group of weird behaviors then all of a sudden it's plain as day and you sort of feel like a fool for not seeing it in the first place.

*long, sort of dramatic story to follow*

Ed and I saw a little boy at the Goodwill store this past saturday. He was about 3 or so, looked *exactly* like Natha, and only spoke spanish. The kid had lost his mommy and was absolutely terrified while he was trying to look for her. Mind you, the store's not *that* big that the mom couldn't find him, but when you're 3 and scared, it's a huge store to be lost in. I was looking at the dresses when I heard the little boy wandering around saying 'Mama'. So, I started following him so I could catch up and try to help him. Kid saw me and started walking a bit faster (I know, smart kid, since you've got a blue-haired, weird looking white lady tailing you) until I got close enough to ask him if he wanted me to help him find his mommy. He took my hand and we walked up to the front of the store, scared as he was. The clerk asked him what his name was, and he was too frightened to give it - so she announced in a semi-uninterested tone that there was 'a little hispanic boy wearing a spiderman shirt looking for his mommy'. A hispanic lady unrelated to the boy asked him in spanish what his name was and he just said 'Mama' because he was so terrified. So, I crouched down and tried to make him feel better until she came up there. It took her a couple of minutes for his mother to appear - and at that, she wasn't even in a rush. She was in the back of the store the whole time, and I had found the kid wandering in the front - so they'd been separated for a while.

He was so happy to see her, and she was ok to have him back - by no means greatly relieved, either, to be hugging him. After a minute or so he wouldn't let go of her neck, and she was trying to get him to walk by himself again.

I wanted to take him home with me. I wanted to tell him that I would take care of him and not let him get lost in a big scary store ever again. That it was going to be ok now and that he should pay more attention next time to make sure he didn't get too far away.

This happened last saturday, and I'm still upset about it - to the point of crying, sometimes. Kids love their parents (especially at that age) more than you could ever imagine, and most parents are constantly annoyed at their kid's presence. The parents don't pay attention to what it's like to be a little kid - and respect that it's tough for them sometimes too. Doesn't mean you don't ever discipline them or that you let them run amok, but there are times to just listen to what they're scared of or are worried about and make them feel better, without repercussions or unnecessary rushing. Parents wonder why their teenagers don't talk to them - it's because you sent them the message with your thoughtless 'Uh-huh's and 'That's nice's that their feelings aren't at all important and people shouldn't be bothered by sharing them. So they turn to other things instead of giving you a clue. Sure, you're always going to be the uncool parents of a teenager, but that doesn't mean that if you continue to care just enough that they'll still automatically kick you out of the loop. You have to start when they're 3, though, by making sure they don't get lost in big scary stores - and if they do, making them feel loved, then talking to them about it and how to keep it from happening again.

When we left the store we saw them in their car. I'm glad I didn't look at their license plate number or I'd be tracking down a little kid and convincing her to let me have him. I can imagine it now - "You know, we live in a nice house, have an older brother for him, and Ed is spanish. He'd get everything he needed and then some." I know she wouldn't let me have him, but I still feel like I should ask, just in case.

I keep thinking of his scared little face and thinking about how I want to take him home with me. All a kid really wants are two parents that love, care for, listen to, and are interested in him. Sure, they'll ask for gumballs and Power Rangers toys when you ask them what they want, but see how much happier they really are when they have a someone truly paying attention to them as a little person.

I *really* wanted to smuggle him out of the Goodwill and take him home with me, laws be darned.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

So I cleaned most of the house today which means one of two things...

either I'm procrastinating doing something else or I want Ed to swoon over me. At this point in time it's actually both, which is why I've gone more overboard with the cleaning this time instead of a quick-job clean. I've also begun to turn into my mother - I realized the importance of cleaning doorknobs and lightswitches with lysol on a rag. They were looking dirty to me so I had to clean them last night. I hope that if my mom's reading this she's sitting down.

I'm baking some banana bread right now - I couldn't find the mixed peanut-butter/chocolate chips I usually use so I bought some dark chocolate chips and just-peanut-butter chips and used them. We'll see how it turns out. I also used Splenda instead of the sugar (silly with the chocolate, you say? it's better to have less sugar if you can get by without noticing it) so that may work or it may not...

Looks like we're going to spend more time integrating Natha with school and home so that he behaves and performs better wherever he is. He's still having trouble with sitting still, keeping his hands to himself, listening, and finishing tasks. The school psychologist is going to assess him next week to see if he's got other underlying disorders like ADHD or depression. Either way, if he does or doesn't, we'll work on a behavior plan so he has more consistency which should help him.

Speaking of which, mind you I'm a bit Yosemite Sam today, there's some things I've got to get off my chest.

I've been trying to make sense of this situation with Natha - that, at this point, there isn't anything else I can do until we get the assessment from the school. Punishing him for how he just is doesn't work, nor do time outs, taking things away, praising him for good behavior, paying him attention when he's being good, or combinations of those things - and we've tried for at least 6 months to incorporate all of those things into our parenting. We limit his sugar (thank goodness for Splenda), make sure he eats plenty of protein, and keep almost the same bedtime at night (when we can) so he gets enough sleep. I've done what I can to fix his behavior and it's helped, but not eliminated the problem. That's frustrating since I'm a fixer, a planner, and a 'what-needs-to-be-done-so-I-can-do-it' person. I'm stuck at the moment. I know just about all there is to know about this sort of thing in general (thanks to the internets and my schoolling) yet I can't do anything yet. Yes, I know that the ball is rolling and it'll evenutally be controlled. Doesn't make me want to find something else that could fix it. I'm a mommy. We give them ibuprofen when they have a fever, benadryl when they have hay fever, and take them to the doctor when they need it. We kiss the boo-boos and tell them febreeze is monster-prevention spray when they need to hear it. I can't do anything at this point to help him, and he's getting frustrated and sad with himself because of his seeming inability to do what needs to be done.

Mind you, this isn't the main thing bothering me. The thing that bothers me is that in my trying to understand and help be a part of Natha's solution I've been mentioning this to people I know. They haven't been the most helpful although I know they mean nothing bad by it... every single one of them tell me that 'he'll grow out of it' or that 'he's just being a boy' or something similar. Sure, I hope he'll grow out of it - but if it is ADHD he probably won't. Yes, he's just being a boy. A boy with ADHD most likely. Now most of these people don't understand the disorder, I understand, and they're in a society that likes to over-diagnose this particular one. It doesn't keep me, in my Yosemite Sam state, from getting pissed at them for telling me that. I'm sure it'll only get worse if Natha has to take medication - they'll assume that medication is the only treatment we're pursuing and we're taking the easy way out. It all goes back to my frustration as a younger person with the lack of understanding shown toward mental disorders, at that time, it was depression. People think you should just 'suck it up' or 'grow up' and don't respect that imbalances of neurotransmitters are just as severe as imbalances of insulin or various hormones. And people that a quick to judge and slow to understand these disorders as what they really are just indian sunburn the hell out of my arms. (Or, in other words, they really chap my ass.)

So I'll have to stop mentioning things like this to people as a coping mechanism. You people reading my blog don't count, though, since you can just leave me comments if you really want to say something, and I can delete them if I don't want to read it more than once. :)

Oh, and if you're wondering what I mean by I'm feeling 'Yosemite Sam', it's that I'm a bit angrier than usual but those of you who know me know I rarely swear - so I'm more likely to start cursing in the style of our favorite cartoon cowboy. It's hormone-related, if you get my drift.

Monday, September 12, 2005

So you can tell by the gap in posting...

...that something's going on. Yep, that's true. Here's the skinny -

I went to a yoga retreat at an Orthodox Hindu monastery/ashram over Labor Day weekend, which was an interesting experience. I cleared my brain appropriately and remember why I'm where I am, doing what I'm doing, and taking care of the people I'm taking care of. The mental cobwebs of the summer have been cleared and I'm no longer (as) snarly towards other people since my journal and I figured some things out.

Ed had a 2mm kidney stone last thursday and is still hopped up on the goofballs because his kidney's still inflamed. I'm pouring water and cranberry juice down his throat to get him better as quick as I can. He's got the genes that say 'Have a kidney stone every once in a while, will ya?' so there's not much else that can be done other than a CT scan to make sure it's passable and some hydrocodone for a couple-a-four/five/six days.

I've got 13 hours of graduate classes this semester. I've had 13 hours before, but that was with a challenging 4 hour undergraduate class. With the 15 hours I'm trying to take in the spring, I should be a Master by May!

I've been trying to wrap up lots of loose ends, like having my car serviced because of recalls, getting new health insurance that doesn't suck, seeing if I can be a substitute teacher the days I don't have class until 5pm, and getting all sorts of people called and meeted with for various reasons.

Ed and I are trying to schedule our honeymoon so we can book it - but we've got this thing called a kid who needs someone to watch him. Anyone want a kid for a weekend and then take him to school monday & tuesday October 18th & 19th? We'll even let you stay in our house if you're selected! You can eat all of our ice cream if you'd like - and we stock Godiva milk chocolate and dark chocolate too. I promise! Please?

I've got to go eat some mini-dinner - I'm trying not to overeat and only eat appropriate portions as my quest for restraint (AKA moderation) is best manifested in my eating habits. It works out well with school, though, since I don't have time at established mealtimes (namely breakfast and dinner) to eat a huge meal - so I eat every 3-4 hours and have some sort of demi-meal. I'll probably write in my journal some as well, since I started again when I was at the ashram and should continue since I value my sanity. :)

Wanna see something funny my son did? Click here.

Yes, I know he's weird.