So I cleaned most of the house today which means one of two things...

either I'm procrastinating doing something else or I want Ed to swoon over me. At this point in time it's actually both, which is why I've gone more overboard with the cleaning this time instead of a quick-job clean. I've also begun to turn into my mother - I realized the importance of cleaning doorknobs and lightswitches with lysol on a rag. They were looking dirty to me so I had to clean them last night. I hope that if my mom's reading this she's sitting down.

I'm baking some banana bread right now - I couldn't find the mixed peanut-butter/chocolate chips I usually use so I bought some dark chocolate chips and just-peanut-butter chips and used them. We'll see how it turns out. I also used Splenda instead of the sugar (silly with the chocolate, you say? it's better to have less sugar if you can get by without noticing it) so that may work or it may not...

Looks like we're going to spend more time integrating Natha with school and home so that he behaves and performs better wherever he is. He's still having trouble with sitting still, keeping his hands to himself, listening, and finishing tasks. The school psychologist is going to assess him next week to see if he's got other underlying disorders like ADHD or depression. Either way, if he does or doesn't, we'll work on a behavior plan so he has more consistency which should help him.

Speaking of which, mind you I'm a bit Yosemite Sam today, there's some things I've got to get off my chest.

I've been trying to make sense of this situation with Natha - that, at this point, there isn't anything else I can do until we get the assessment from the school. Punishing him for how he just is doesn't work, nor do time outs, taking things away, praising him for good behavior, paying him attention when he's being good, or combinations of those things - and we've tried for at least 6 months to incorporate all of those things into our parenting. We limit his sugar (thank goodness for Splenda), make sure he eats plenty of protein, and keep almost the same bedtime at night (when we can) so he gets enough sleep. I've done what I can to fix his behavior and it's helped, but not eliminated the problem. That's frustrating since I'm a fixer, a planner, and a 'what-needs-to-be-done-so-I-can-do-it' person. I'm stuck at the moment. I know just about all there is to know about this sort of thing in general (thanks to the internets and my schoolling) yet I can't do anything yet. Yes, I know that the ball is rolling and it'll evenutally be controlled. Doesn't make me want to find something else that could fix it. I'm a mommy. We give them ibuprofen when they have a fever, benadryl when they have hay fever, and take them to the doctor when they need it. We kiss the boo-boos and tell them febreeze is monster-prevention spray when they need to hear it. I can't do anything at this point to help him, and he's getting frustrated and sad with himself because of his seeming inability to do what needs to be done.

Mind you, this isn't the main thing bothering me. The thing that bothers me is that in my trying to understand and help be a part of Natha's solution I've been mentioning this to people I know. They haven't been the most helpful although I know they mean nothing bad by it... every single one of them tell me that 'he'll grow out of it' or that 'he's just being a boy' or something similar. Sure, I hope he'll grow out of it - but if it is ADHD he probably won't. Yes, he's just being a boy. A boy with ADHD most likely. Now most of these people don't understand the disorder, I understand, and they're in a society that likes to over-diagnose this particular one. It doesn't keep me, in my Yosemite Sam state, from getting pissed at them for telling me that. I'm sure it'll only get worse if Natha has to take medication - they'll assume that medication is the only treatment we're pursuing and we're taking the easy way out. It all goes back to my frustration as a younger person with the lack of understanding shown toward mental disorders, at that time, it was depression. People think you should just 'suck it up' or 'grow up' and don't respect that imbalances of neurotransmitters are just as severe as imbalances of insulin or various hormones. And people that a quick to judge and slow to understand these disorders as what they really are just indian sunburn the hell out of my arms. (Or, in other words, they really chap my ass.)

So I'll have to stop mentioning things like this to people as a coping mechanism. You people reading my blog don't count, though, since you can just leave me comments if you really want to say something, and I can delete them if I don't want to read it more than once. :)

Oh, and if you're wondering what I mean by I'm feeling 'Yosemite Sam', it's that I'm a bit angrier than usual but those of you who know me know I rarely swear - so I'm more likely to start cursing in the style of our favorite cartoon cowboy. It's hormone-related, if you get my drift.