So I'm very, very irrationally mad...

...in only that way that women understand. I'm actually afraid that I'll have to go back on the crazy pills, as I call them. Today's just one of those days where you're better off staying away from people, or as my horoscope said today, counting to 10 before responding to anyone. So, I did my best to stay away from people once I figured out it was this kind of day...

What 'set me off' per se is the news that I would have to 'appeal' my school's decision to not automatically accept me to the post-bac teacher education program. I'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops (not hard ones, but still hoops - like letters of recommendation and a typed personal statement) because my *undergraduate* GPA was 0.06 points too low. Now, keep in mind that I went to a much more academically rigorous institution, played college athletics, had a son (and failed two semesters of class because of it), and that the grading scale is different - where I went to undergrad has the A- is only 3.7 quality points/B- is only 2.7 points etc. scale, while my current institution is strictly A is 4.0, B is 3.0. If you convert my GPA, it's more than high enough - I had quite a few A-minuses and B-minuses. Oh, and not to mention that my graduate school GPA is a freakin' 4.0 and that my GRE scores are high enough to get into any PhD program at the school. So you could imagine that me, in all my Hermione-ness, was a *bit* offended when Mr. Average Joe with a 2.75 GPA BBA from a state school gets an automatic ushering-in while me, who will have a Master's degree in biology with lab teaching experience, has to *prove* that I'm worthy and interested in teaching. Now, it's not that I think that I wouldn't get in if I jumped through their hoops, I'm just offended by the suggestion that I should have to do that.

Which brings me to other thoughts - like how long ago undergrad feels to me now - I don't remember much of it, especially the part that happened before Natha was born. The only person (other than the obvious exception of family) that knew me then and knows me now is Natha's dad - and he now doesn't know quite as much about who I am as he used to. People around me look at me now and see a completely different person than the one who got those grades when I was 19. I was a horribly irresponsible flibbertigibbet who didn't know which end was up. Honestly, it was amazing that I got the GPA I did - I spent no time, relatively speaking, working on school - I was just trying to hang on. It seems so long ago now that I forget that it's now part of the famed 'permanent record' that is carried around with me for everyone to see and make judgments about me. That may be a lot of the reason I want to have a Master's degree - to have my more accurate-representation-GPA be the thing that people look at instead of my undergrad GPA. I want to have a graduate degree for other reasons, of course, but that certainly factors in. Oh, and another note - I had a decent, above 3.0 GPA if you take out the two semesters that I had a 0.0 and 1.5 GPA because of the craziness associated with the hormones of being with-child. After I had Natha, I had above a 3.0 both semesters even though I was still a flibbertigibbet of sorts. I would really like to add an official statement on to the end of my transcript just like you can add on to the end of your credit report to add some background to the credit history that shows up when someone pulls the report. That way people know the *rest* of the story, in true Paul Harvey style.

I've been partially paying attention to Maury, one of the horribly-interesting paternity-proof, lie-detector laden shows that result from people screwing like rabbits then acting sorry for what happened afterwards. Man, no one asks the kids of these parents what they think later on, after they've grown up - although they're probably going to be on the second-generation version of these shows... Yeah, the second-generation baby-daddies that unfortunately think that's the only way to have a child - i.e. the kid 'amazingly' appears because you slept with someone at a party because they looked at you sweet and you were stoned (Oh, and no one believes you when you say you were using some form of birth control - we all know better.) And girls, please don't believe the guys when they say they'll be careful - they haven't had some childhood accident that renders them unable to have children, and they're not going to be able to pull out in time (whether they can't control it or they really *want* to deposit something inside of you and are lying to get what they want.) There are lots of fantasies, when said & done, are really not that great an idea - whether it's because you had a kid (or aborted one because of it), you've got emotional scars because another person was involved, or those ugly whip marks that stripper left *again*. Think about it before you have to clean up the mess or just sweep it under the rug of life.

Sure, there's only so hard I can come down on people who aren't in serious, monogamous relationships when they have surprise children. Yeah, I only knew Natha's dad for about a month when I got knocked up - but the important distinction is whether you shape up and fly right when the fruit of your 15 minute tryst (if you're lucky) comes poppin' out. You can't continue to act the same way when you're now responsible for another person because they can't yet take care of themselves. Not to mention those people who continue to breed with the same cycle - smooth talking boy, 'love', and accidental child. Rinse off your ego and repeat.

Marriage doesn't make it ok or acceptable - you can have quickie marriages and painful divorces the progeny of which are hurt each time as well. People just need to grow up - speaking overall - especially those that have children. Oh, and it's not ever too late to fix it - better late than never. Whether you stop having children, or better yet, take care of the ones you have now, too, it doesn't matter. Think about what you're doing (to someone other than yourself!)

Hey, you can't say I didn't warn you when I said I was mad before. I really do think this way most of the time - I'm just too polite, avoidant of conflict, or not riled up enough to let it out, though. Especially not in scathing english. Oh well. It's written. Unlike that email you write in the heat of the moment and subsequently stash for editing before clicking send, this is a blog entry - which means it's all fair game - except for those things specifically bashing particular people, which just isn't in good taste.

I guess I shouldn't watch Maury considering my true feelings on the matter. It's so addictive, though~ what a conundrum... ah, baby-mama-drama! I <3 u! Whoo-hoo!