Wednesday, May 11, 2005

So the results are in and I'm most definitely Hermione...

I finally got all of my grades back - let's just say I'm Herminone. I'm also trying to think about this summer and how the teaching & research will go... My brain is really fried, for some reason, today. I didn't do anything that mind-taxing today, really, compared to some of the other things I've done before, but thinking during a research meeting just took it out of me today. So now I'm watching a rerun of 7th Heaven (yes, I do watch that show on occasion, when no one's looking) trying to revamp my brain enough to cook dinner & hang out with Ed the little bit I can tonight... He's got a lot of work to do, I know and understand. I just can't help be a little selfish about the situation, though. I should help it, but I'm not in the frame of mind (femininely speaking) to be rational about this. I've now switched to Vh1, since 7th Heaven is over... the other guilty pleasure. I like them for the same reason I like pop music, so if you weren't reading then, go back and review my 'logic' for why that's ok. :)

Ed's working a lot. He has to sometimes. I just need to be supportive and helpful so he can be his most efficient... and it unfortunately always seems to happen that he's really really busy when I'm not. Like when he was busy last december/january, I wasn't busy at all and I got to be really in a funk. Part of that was from not having him in the usual capacity, and part of it was not being useful otherwise since school wasn't happening and we didn't live together. Now that we live together, I get to at least see him more often, plus I can always go get him something to drink or say I can fix dinner whenever I think it might be time... I try and just be supportive, and I know that he'd rather be spending time with me, so that's a bit of consolation. Then again, someone's got to make the money, and that's him. We wouldn't be able to have the lifestyle we do if he didn't work like he did - I know that and try to leave him alone so he can get things done. If I kept bugging him he would pay attention to me and then he would have to get me to leave him alone, which he shouldn't have to do ... That's not fair... I just need to know it's temporary (it may last a few months, but it's still temporary) and have something to mark when it's over to look forward to, which makes me more ok with the sucky part now.

It doesn't help though, that I'm on the crazy pills (hormones). Hopefully that won't last much longer, though, and I won't have to pop crazy pills to make my body behave otherwise. It exacerbates whatever annoying situation happens; it makes me not able to cope with the things that normally bother me and that I then keep myself from acting irrationally about it. So I'm kind of irrational. Especially right now. So Ed, honey, I'm trying not to be really difficult about this. I'm not trying to be more needy than usual...Just remember there are hormones in my system and I'm also somewhat annoyed with other things you know about (nothing at all with you, dear) - so I can't just act 'ok'. You know me better than that - I can't exactly lie about anything I happen to feel. Call it a superpower, call it a bane of existence. It's got good points and bad points. But that's how it is. I think we just need to see it as 'For better & for worse' on both our parts - whether I'm hopped up on the hormones or you're working all the time for a couple months - we're both here to stay.

I started crocheting a baby blanket for my sister - it's light blue, but that's one of my sister's preferred colors - not because it's a boy (because it's too soon to tell.) Hopefully I'll finish it in time. They're coming back from Japan this weekend - my brother-in-law is in the Air Force, and my sister & niece live on Yokohama air force base. They'll be here for about a month, visiting different people. I'm not sure yet what the schedule is for when Natha and I will be going up to Kentucky to see them... We'll see how that plays out.

Well, I think I'm going to suggest that we get something to eat for dinner, Ed & I. Natha is at the restaurant and we'll go get him later this evening - not too late, I hope, so he gets enough sleep & isn't cranky...


Post a Comment

<< Home