Tuesday, May 17, 2005

So I'm back from my short visit to Kentucky...

and I didn't think I'd ever be happier to be back here, doing laundry, cleaning the house, and otherwise organizing than I was up in Kentucky doing nothing much... Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see everyone, and Natha and I had a good time being there - I've just become very comfortable in my house and don't care to leave too often, especially if I need to clean or do laundry.

Now, on to other important things... Ed got the hint (I'll call the sneaky way in which I dropped it 'hinting') and we went and picked out a different ring *set* than he had originally bought this past saturday - I've picked out a channel set diamond band that is the fancy-pants curved-on-the-inside kind, and then two plain gold bands to go on both sides of it. I also got the diamond from my mom yesterday, so when it gets reset I can wear it with the other three (or two, depending on how it looks) when I want to be fancier. I can't wear the marquis diamond all the time due to my current occupation, but it's a pretty, feminine thing to wear when I can...

I've also had some more realizations on what I should be doing for a more long-term goal, and how my goals best fit with those of the family as a whole... and the verdict is... biology teacher, most likely high school. So, the biggest change that goes along with this decision is the change from a Master's degree with a thesis to a Master's degree without a thesis. Since research isn't my main focus and teaching labs as a GTA is a more important, taking the option I have to *not* do a thesis makes the most sense. Even if I do decide to go into research, I'll have taught school or worked otherwise, which will be more important than my lack of a thesis. It's not that I'm abandoning the research during the degree entirely, it's just going to be a summer project thing instead of a year-and-a-half thing that requires a long, written document. It's just turned out that I'm way more domestic, feminine, and teacher-like than I had previously realized - and I hadn't thought of my life in terms of an entire family (Ed, Natha, and I) when considering what I should spend my time and towards what I should be working. My family, teaching, and classes are the three most important things I need to spend my time on in the next couple years - to put research in there isn't doing any justice to how important the other ones are - especially the family part. Ed's working a lot to establish and accomplish a lot of things work-wise for a foundation for the future, and Natha's starting school this fall. My support for them when they need me to take care of the incidentals so they can focus on their activities is very important to me right now... not so important, mind you, that I stop going to school and become a stay-at-home mom - but important enough not to sign myself up for something that isn't really very important to me in the long run.

Another consideration in this is something Ed and I both came to realize in the last few weeks - because I don't make a significant amount of money but I buy groceries, pay my specific bills, and buy other incidental things he has to end up giving me money by the end of the month - which polarizes our equality more than we'd like... if we'd been married for 10 years before I decided to go back to school, then we would have established our money habits a particular way... but the situation as it is, we're starting out this way - not to mention that I've gone from making all of my own money and paying all of my bills to making a minimal wage and having to ask Ed for $$ for necessities in the last 10 months. Now to finish the master's degree is another year and a half, which we can hang on until then - but to sign up for another 5-6 years of my personal poverty isn't the best thing for our relationship - not to mention how often I'd be away from the house. If I decide it's better timing and it's what I really want, down the road I can go back for a Phd then. Until then, I'll work toward being a teacher... If they didn't offer a non-thesis option at my school, it would be a different story. But, since it's an option, I'm going to take it... Feels nice to have things work out for everyone involved (or so it seems, thus far...) we'll see if it really does turn out that way...

Ed's reading this now... he's trying to get the sneak preview since he's sitting here hext to me... I've missed him in the last couple days, though... more than he'd think I would... and not just his mere presence, but the pernicious snuggling, hugging, and even smooching too. Even though he does try and get my to sleep on varying sides of the bed on occasion... as my mom said, ' what kind if weirdo wants that?' MY weirdo, that's who. And don't you forget it. *THBBBBTTTT!*


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