Monday, June 13, 2005

So I'd like to say a few things (like usual)...

...some things about my on-hold research endeavor, and some things that are just what I feel like posting...

My conclusion about research: My son is the most important thing in my life, and therefore I should start acting like it. Yes, I would like to have known how this would have worked out this way before I started, but hey, I'm figuring this out as I go just like the rest of us. I couldn't have predicted that I'd feel this way a year ago - if I would have, I wouldn't have started this endeavor as I did. The second most important thing in my life: my husband-to-be. I'm adjusting to acting like it. It's hard to go from making all the money and controlling all the decisions of the house to sharing that with someone, when I was so used to doing it all myself, mainly out of habit. I like and look forward to sharing him with Natha, and I'm glad to have him 'all to myself' as a husband. It might work out to do research a couple of days a week in the fall, it might not. We'll see.

The biggest issue at hand in my life at the moment is family... As interesting as research is, and as good of a time I have when I'm there, my mind and my heart are back with my family - Ed at work and Natha in daycare. I can't in good conscience continue to be away from them during the day when the thing keeping me away isn't more important to me than spending time with them. Sure, it might 'put people out' or in some way not be the best thing for them - which is unfortunate. However, my family is most important, and anything else can be changed or rearranged to fit their needs. Like any breakup, it's not you, it's me. In other words, which someone told me the other day - someone has to raise the child. I've let other people 'raise' Natha during the day - I can't tell you whether or not he takes a nap during the weekdays, or what his favorite craft is to do. My mom worked in daycare for a long time, and I learned from that that the teachers don't tell you what cute little new things your child does during the day, as to not hurt your feelings since you weren't there. I've missed a lot already since I've worked full time or been in school full time since he was 6 weeks old - it's about time he gets a stay-at-home-mom - and he's going to get least temporarily

So, now I'm going to delve into something I saw on a blog today...

'What things do you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play? What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?'

(in no order whatsoever)

1. Watching Natha when he doesn't know I'm paying attention - listening to him sing and play the bongos, make up a story with his dinosaurs, or anything else when he's not 'trying' to be cute - he's just being Natha.

2. Posting in this blog - it's my semi-public journal of thoughts and working out issues as they come up - I know (I'd think) that my friends read this, so they still know what's going on even when we're not hanging out a lot.

3. Planning - doesn't matter what, there's always something to plan. Planning involves writing lists and thinking of things I need to do, then praying at the altar of Franklin-Covey in the planner I so eagerly buy at the beginning of *every* year.

4. Watching redneck, getto, WT people on daytime TV talk shows. Yes, it's my biggest guilty pleasure, and I LIKE IT.

5. Thinking about Ed. Not in a dreamy or long, drawn-out way, but just a quick, warm-fuzzy way. I imagine his lovely presence, and what I feel like when I'm around him. I then take my flutter-by feeling in my tummy and go on with what I was doing before.

'List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good - but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now.'

1. I Just Called To Say I Love You, Stevie Wonder
2. Scooby Snacks, Fun Lovin' Criminals
3. Flight of the Bumblebee, Yo Yo Ma & Bobby McFerrin
4. Baba O'Riley, The Who
5. Mr. Mom, Lonestar
6. Memories of Us, Keith Urban
7. Six Foot Town, Big & Rich

(I've always had trouble paring down a list to meet the 'rules' - I just like lists too much. I'm also into country at the moment.)

The Michael Jackson case verdict is on - which sucks, because I don't want to miss it and I have to pee - I drank a Large Cherry Limeade not long ago... I think he didn't do it, but we'll see what the *important* people think...


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