Thursday, July 28, 2005

So I'm coming to some weird conclusions lately...

... they're not so weird that someone came to that particular conclusion, I just wasn't expecting *me* to come to them, and especially now...

Here's some of the things that have been squishing around in my brain lately:

-School schedules for the fall and how to take care of Natha when I'm gone
-Who I am as a wife, since the Stepford version doesn't fit me and that was what I was finding myself striving for in certain ways
-Natha's impending school status as 'Kindergartener Supreme'
-Whether or not I want another kid running around the Tennessee installment of the Arino household, and whether said kid will burst forth from my loins or be lovingly adopted by the weirdness that is us
-How to practice restraint (for more on this one, see my online yoga journal including how it's going)

There are some weird widgets that resulted from the squishing, namely:
-I actually considered stopping school to be here (home) at night for Natha then decided that it wasn't the answer and something else could be done
-That I'll just have to construct who I am as a wife myself since there aren't any apparent examples presenting themselves
-That I'm actually kind of freaked out about him going to school since it's such an important time and he'll go through a lot of changes personally
-I'm pretty sure I don't want to have another kid, and if I do, I'm almost completely sure it's not going to physically come from my womb
-That I do have a sense of restraint, I just had to awaken it the right way

Now some of these are more surprising than others, most certainly. The biggest one is the no-more-kids idea - I didn't realize I actually felt that way. I'd always thought I had wanted two kids for various reasons - more than one genetic basket for the eggs, Natha having a sibling, and that's just how I had envisoned it gol-darn-it. I've since, however, realized a slew of things that all add up to 'no kid for me' (to be said in a Soup Nazi voice):

Disclaimer: now lots of these things make me sound selfish and otherwise more weird and conceited than you had previously thought possible - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Reasons Leigh doesn't want another kid:
I've got a good enough one the first time around
Ed's ok with Natha as his only son
I don't have the temperment to stay at home with a baby, but don't want someone else to raise my kid (a daycare)
I was lucky to keep the body I had the 1st time around (no stretch marks on the tummy) and don't want to chance it this time
There are too many weird disorders/slight dysfunctions that could happen, and the cost/benefit doesn't work out how I'd want it to - the chance is too high for me (scant as it may actually be)
Ed's chock-full-o'-recessive traits and who knows what would happen
I don't want to drive anything other than a convertible
I don't want to lug around any more crap than is already necessary to take care of Ed & Natha now
Natha has a sense that he's not the only one in the world - we've onsie-proofed him, I'd like to think
I can do without changing diapers ever again
I've got enough to handle with Ed and Natha - they need more care as it is :)
What if the kid's technically ok but just a bit stupid/slow? That would be infintely frustrating
I like the pregnancy part, the labor's ok, but I don't want a newborn in the house
I don't want to have to get out of bed before a certain time on a regular basis (Natha entertains himself if he wakes up early)
I like my boobs the way they are now and I don't want them to get saggy and stay that way (they barely recovered last time)
At this rate, I'll be free before I'm 40
I like to travel as much as possible without lugging things around
I would like to be a yoga instructor/fitness model, and the kid would just get in the way

As you can see, there's quite a list. I'm thinking of more as time goes on, too. Ed's happy to hear this, I know. It was one of the last big disagreements-we-eventually-have-to-agree-on and see, it's worked itself out (at least it's started to). Let's wait and see where this goes...

I think I'm going to do another installment of 'Contents of Leigh's purse' tomorrow. TTFN!


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